Daughter's Eulogy

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

So Tired I Could Die

A weird comment I am trying not to dwell on came from my mom yesterday just before I left her.  When I walked mom into the activity room for her to join in the end of the Bingo game, the activity director said, “Gilda, I saved a place for you at the head of the table.”

Mom sat down and looked up at me saying, “I’m so tired I could die.”
“Mom, you are OK.  I know it was a lot today with so much company.  Now you can take it easy.”
“Julienne, when will I see you again?”
“Mom, it is Tuesday I’ll be back on Thursday this week to take you to the beauty shop.”
“When will I see you after that?  Don’t forget me.”
“Mom, I won’t forget you.  I will see you on Thursday; we will go out for lunch, too.”

Note:  Last Friday, I had mentioned to mom that John and Carme, who live in Dallas, were coming to visit mom on Tuesday.  Mom had told everyone at The Community*about Carme and John's upcoming visit .  Mom always enjoys their company; she was really looking forward to seeing them.

An hour earlier.   
When we arrived, I could see that mom was talking to two ladies who seemed to be visiting with her.  I did not know who they were till they turned around; then I realized the women were mom’s friends, Angie and Eleanor.  In the past Angie would always drive mom and Eleanor to the movies and then they would go out for dinner to McDonalds.  Mom was happy to see them.
When they saw that we were there, they said that mom just told them that Carme and John were coming today.  They nicely said their goodbyes as they realized all these people surrounding mom was too much for one day.
“I guess this is the next stage of life for me.” Mom said.
“Jill, what are you going to do?” Carme said just as a matter of fact not really as a question.
I convinced mom to go for a walk with us to the garden room on the first floor where we could all sit and be able to visit.  When we got downstairs, we went to the ice cream parlor.  John and I were the only ones who had ice cream. 
We had a very pleasant visit, but mom started to get tired.  She makes it clear that she has had enough visiting. She wanted to go back upstairs.  Talking takes a lot out of her.
We walked her back upstairs where I asked mom if she wanted to go sit in her chair or go into the activities room where they were still playing Bingo.  Mom couldn’t make up her mind.  I mentioned that she had only 15 minutes left to play Bingo. 
She said, “What should I do?”
“What do you want to do, mom?”
We went back and forth. Mom kept looking at John, Carme, and me.  She was becoming a little frustrated.
“Mom, why don’t you say goodbye to Carme and John, then I will walk you into the activities room to play Bingo.”
She hugged and kissed John and Carme, thanked them for coming, and told them that she loved them. 
This brings me to the start of this chapter’s blog, when mom said that haunting statement to me, “I am so tired I could die.”

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