Best Laid Plans

 

In anticipation of Thanksgiving, I toiled about whether mom would be able to join our family for Thanksgiving dinner.  For the past 33 years, Ron and I host Thanksgiving dinner at our home.  Celebrating Thanksgiving would not feel right with mom at The Community*.  Certainly my wish was that mom would be able to be with us for dinner, but my dilemma was would she want to come.   Mom feels safe at The Community* because there are nurses and aides at her beckon call.  She has real needs that must be attended to in a timely sometimes urgent matter.

Trying to convince mom to do something she does not want to do is not a good idea. Mom is and has always has been strong-willed.  In the past when I have swayed her to do something, I have not been pleased with the results, unless somehow I convinced her that that the idea was her own.

Two days before Thanksgiving I contacted Dana*, mom’s hospice nurse, to ask her if she thought bringing mom to our home with the family was a good idea.  She did only if mom wanted to attend. Every day mom’s medical conditions change sometimes drastically so making a decision before Thursday morning would be premature.  Dana* strongly suggested waiting until then and letting mom decide for herself. 

When I left mom on Tuesday, I told her that Ron and I would see her on Thursday morning.  As we were driving over Thanksgiving morning, I received a text from Jerome, my older brother, asking if mom was joining us.  If mom was not coming over, he and his family would go over and spend some time with mom before coming to our home.  I texted back that Ron and I were driving over right now to find out.  Mom does not talk on the phone ever so face to face is a must. 

Ron and I decided that we would ask mom if she would like to join the family for dinner.  If her answer was yes, Ron would come back and pick her up at 3:30PM prior to everyone coming to our home at 4PM that way mom could rest up beforehand.  We also discussed that even though mom might say yes now, when Ron came back to pick her up later she might change her mind depending how she was feeling at the time.  Either way the decision was going to be 100 percent mom’s; we were in no way going to force her or guilt her into coming.

Knowing that no matter what mom decided, Ron and I would have at least seen mom on Thanksgiving which would give us both some comfort. 

When Ron and I first saw mom, she said, “You came.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mom,” we both chimed in.

“Mom, remember a few days ago you and I talked about you coming over for Thanksgiving dinner at our home.  If you would like to join us, Ron will come back later and pick you up.”

“I want to come home with you now,” mom cried.

“Great, mom, you can definitely come over now.  Ron and I prefer you coming with us.”

“Will you let me sleep over tonight?  I would like to sleep in your bed,” mom said starring right at my eyes.

“Mom, if you want to sleep over I will go and check with Billy* your nurse.  I will see if we can make your wish happen.”  I looked at Ron as if to say ‘would you mind’; I knew by his look that Ron would do anything for me even if the task was asking him for such and a daunting task.

Mom shook her head up and down, “Please, Julienne let me have Thanksgiving with my dignity.”

“Mom, sit with Ron; I will go to see what I can do.”  With that I informed Billy* about mom’s request.  Billy* knew that I am capable of handling mom for short periods of time; but mom’s overnight request would have to be approved by mom’s doctor.  She asked me if I knew that mom needed constant supervision (much like a toddler learning to walk) every moment while she was in my care obviously meaning throughout the night while mom slept, I would not be sleeping.

I told her to please call mom’s doctor because this was mom’s wish; I refused to let mom down.  The decision for her sleeping over would be left up to mom’s doctor. In the meantime, Billy* would start putting mom’s medication together. 

When I went back over to mom and Ron to give them both an update; mom was frustrated sharing stories with Ron about her bathroom mishaps the night before.  Her storytelling made Ron extremely concerned about our undertaking today.   

I walked back over to Billy*, mom received the approval to come home with me for the evening. I was elated, but apprehensive.  The last thing I wanted was for mom to hurt herself on my watch; our mission with mom was huge and I was not sure we were up for the challenge.

Billy* informed me she was going to need some time to now get mom’s pills ready.  Mom’s medicine schedule is quite an ordeal.  Due to mom’s bout with depression, timing is everything with regards to her medicine.  Heading off her anxiety is instrumental to her feeling good.  Early is always better than late.

While Billy* organized mom’s medications, I mentally made a list of items mom would need to stay over, be comfortable and be safe. My mind was spinning.  Then I proceeded to go to mom’s room and pack her an overnight bag.  Trying to anticipate her every need, I packed an extra change of clothes for today in case mom needed to change(based on her stories about bathroom accidents); pajamas, clothes for tomorrow morning, adult diapers, liners for the bed and chairs mom would sit or sleep in.  I also spoke with mom’s aide and asked if she would fill mom’s oxygen tank which mom had been using today.  I also request another tank for in the middle of the night because mom normally sleeps with oxygen.

Everything seemed to come together, but definitely not fast enough for Ron as mom continually repeated the story of last night’s bathroom and bed mishaps.  Even though we had arrived there around 10am, the time was now approaching noon.  I could not help, but wonder how Tommy, our 22 pound turkey, was doing in our oven.

The Community* was serving lunch and we asked mom if she would like to eat here before we took her back to our house.  Her answer was an affirmative, “No! Let’s go!”

“Mom, as soon as I receive all your medicine and instructions we can leave.”

Shortly thereafter, both Billy* and mom’s aide were back explaining in detail the instructions on medicine and two different oxygen tanks.  Prior to leaving I asked Billy*, “What if mom changes her mind or panics in the middle of the night?”

Billy* comforted me, “Don’t worry if mom wants to come back, call here at this special number after 3pm today and let us know you are bringing her back so we can be ready for her when you arrive here.”  I thanked Billy* for all the extra work she did for us which allowed us to grant mom’s wish.

In the last few months, mom is always cold so keeping her warm and toasty is a priority.   Although the temperature outside on Thanksgiving in Chicago was a delightful balmy 60degrees, to mom the temperature would be bone chilling so Ron helped mom with her winter coat and gloves. 

Mom was all smiles as the elevator doors opened and we were headed for the door.  On our way out, we were greeted by Rosey* who mom thinks is wonderful so I stopped and took a photo of the two of them.  

 

 

 

“Are you ready, mom?”

“I’m ready!”  Mom shaking her head affirming her readiness.

My thought as we left was with God’s help anything is possible. . .

 

Special note:  I believe God’s hand is guiding mom and my journey.  The first part of my Thanksgiving blog is my 100^th post. 

 I do not believe in coincidences.  I do believe in God’s love.