Whose Crazy Idea

Arriving at The Community* on Monday, I headed first to the beauty salon where mom had an appointment scheduled for today.  Unlike the supportive living facility, the beautician that runs this beauty shop does not actually have set times for people.  She schedules people on a certain day and then fits them in when she can.  This is not ideal for mom; she likes to have a set time.  She would prefer to have me take her to the beauty shop and sit with her.

When I saw Sharon* the beautician, I asked her if she had taken care of mom’s hair yet.  She had completely forgotten about mom and was all done for the day.  Since my mom’s hair takes less than 30 minutes from start to finish, I asked her if I could go up and bring mom down right now.  Sharon* agreed.

Mom was in the activity room watching a Christmas movie. I mentioned that she had a hair appointment and wheeled her out of the room.

On our way to the salon mom said, “Julienne, I’m sorry for being a problem for you on Thanksgiving.”

“Mom, I am happy you came to our home and glad we all celebrated Thanksgiving together.”   

“You are . . . even though I was a pill.”

“Yes, of course, I wanted you to be there.”

“Julienne, whose crazy idea was it for me to sleep over?”

“Mom, the idea was yours.”

“Julienne, sometimes I talk out of my mind.  Ignore me.”

“Mom, I was just trying to make you happy.”

 “Julienne, I am too much too handle.”

“I agree, but Ron was going to help me.”

“I am too much for both of you.  If I ever say something stupid like that again don’t listen to me.”

“Ok, mom, I promise.”

I sat and spoke with Sharon* while mom had her hair done.  Sharon* does a lot of charity work which I enjoyed hearing about.  When Sharon* was finished with mom’s hair, she said, “How does your mom’s hair look?”

“Mom likes her hair a little fuller on the sides.”

Mom became restless, “Julienne, don’t be fussy.  Let’s go.”

Mom and I went back to mom’s room so I could organize her closet and make sure everything was clean.  Mom said, “Julienne, I have a secret to tell you.”

“Mom, I am all ears.  What is your secret?”

“Don’t tell them I told you!”

“I won’t.  What is the secret?”

“When I am in bed, they give me something to go.”

“Are you constipated again?”

“No . . . to go to heaven!”

“Mom, please explain what do they give you?”

“I don’t know, but I tell them I am ready to go.  They put something in and tell me to breath.  When it’s morning I wake up, I’m still here.”

“Mom, every night when you go to bed they give you oxygen and tell you to breathe in.  The oxygen helps you breathe and makes you more comfortable.”

“Sometimes they yell at me.  They say you can’t tell God when you want to go.”

“Mom, when you are frustrated . . . pray.  When God is ready He will come for you.”

Mom showed me that her feet were badly swollen again.  The same thing happened about a month ago.  I spoke with Billy* who told me she would talk with mom’s doctor to see if they could double up on lasics and potassium for three days like they did the last time her legs were swollen.  Apparently patients with COPD and congestive heart failure retain fluids because their heart does not work properly.

Mom wanted to pray before I left so we said the ‘Our Father’ and ‘Mom is the Light’. 

I wheeled mom back to the activity room, all the residents had Christmas song sheets.  They were presently singing Joy to the World.  After the song was over, Shirley* announced that they were going to play Bingo.  I sat mom next to Darlene*.  Mom said, “Julienne, Darlene always wins.”

I looked at Darlene* who said,  “I am lucky. Even when I used to go to the VFW I would win a game every time.”

 

“Good for you, Darlene, maybe some of your luck will transfer to mom, too.”

We all smiled. I wished mom and Darlene* a beautiful day; they both wished me one back.  Mom and I hugged tightly and kissed.  As I left mom and Darlene* had beautiful smiles, mom was blowing me kisses and of course, I was blowing them back.

 

 

 

A Beautiful Transition

Anyone in Chicago for Thanksgiving will attest that at 5:30pm that evening, the weather was anything but ideal.  The clouds had opened up and were raining on us.  Fortunately, there were not many cars on the road; most people were probably enjoying their Thanksgiving dinner, watching a football game, or sleeping from eating too much.

While trying to watch the road and drive, I kept talking with mom.

“Hey, mom, do you remember that Michael just won Scholastic Athlete of the week for the MAC Conference?”

“Oh, Julienne, you should have reminded me.  I forgot to tell him how proud of him I am.”

“Mom, Michael’s in the backseat.  You can tell him now.”

“Michael, Michael, Grandma is so proud of you.  You’re great!!!”

“Thanks, Grandma.”

“Michael, I am so lucky to have you as my Grandson.”

“Grandma, I feel the same way about you.  I am lucky to have you as my Grandma.”

 My heart was in my throat; my eyes flooded with tears.  What a beautiful gift Michael and mom gave each other.  A gift we will all cherish forever. I tried to refocus on driving.

Prior to leaving my home, I used the special number Sonya*, mom’s nurse, had given me earlier. I contacted one of mom’s favorite nurses, Barb* to let her know that I was leaving to bring mom back to The Community*.  Since the doors of The Community* were locked early on Thanksgiving, she suggested I call her again when I pulled up to The Community* so she could come down to the first floor and let us in. 

As I pulled under their canopy, I asked mom to stay put while Michael and I gathered all of her stuff to take back into The Community*.  By the time we were finished putting everything at the door, Barb* was down to help carry everything upstairs.  Mom was so happy and relieved to be back at ‘her home’.   She was so happy to see Barb* and I could tell the feeling was mutual.

Michael parked the car so his godmother could attend to his grandma.  Arriving in mom’s room, I told mom to look at the clock. I myself was startled to see that the time was exactly 6pm.  When I had gotten up from the dining room table to take mom home the time was slightly after 5pm, but with getting mom ready, packing the car, driving over and unpacking the car, we had just made the time I promised mom she would be back by. 

I started emptying out all of the stuff from our bags.  Barb* was most concerned about the medicine which I found quickly.  After she accounted for all the drugs, she went to get some water for mom so she could take her 7pm medicine now since mom was still anxious. 

Mom wanted to get her pajamas on immediately, however, Barb* said that she wanted mom to go visit mom’s good friend, Darlene*, who had come back earlier from having dinner with her family.  Mom insisted she wanted her pajamas now, but Barb* said she still had to feed another resident.

While we were still in mom’s room, I asked mom if she would like to have a photo of Michael with her.  Barb* took a photo of the three of us. 

 

You could see by the photo that mom was feeling better already.  Her stress was somewhat lifted.

After the photo, I asked mom if she would like a photo with Barb* she said, “Definitely.”

 

I suggested to mom that we should all go and wish Darlene* a Happy Thanksgiving.  “Mom would you like to introduce Darlene* to Michael?”

“Oh, yes, I would.”

When we wheeled mom into the dining room, Darlene* was sitting by herself, Darlene* was so happy to see mom. We all wished Darlene* a Happy Thanksgiving.  Mom said, “Darlene* this is my grandson, Michael.  I am lucky to have him.”

Michael said again, “Grandma, I am lucky to have you.”

I said, “Darlene*, where did you go for Thanksgiving earlier today?”

“My family took me to an Italian restaurant.  I can’t remember the name.”

“Maggianos?” I took a wild guess because I heard Maggianos’ was open for Thanksgiving dinner.

Darlene* looked started and smiled, “Yes, that’s the name.”

“I bet your family was glad you were there to celebrate Thanksgiving with them.”  Just as those words came out of my mouth Darlene* started to cry hysterically. I looked at mom and she said, ‘I don’t know what you are going to say now.”

“I am so sorry I made you cry, Darlene*.”

Darlene shook her head; she was crying tears of joy.  Darlene* still crying said, “My favorite nephew was there.”

“How great, Darlene*, I bet he was glad to spend time with you, too.”  Darlene* shook her head up and down confirming that he felt that way.

“How old is your nephew?”

“He’s 51”, she had now stopped crying.

“He’s a youngster.  I am 57.”  Finally, I had said something to make her smile again.

Mom seemed to be feeling better with time.  “Ok, Julienne, you and Michael can go back to your company.”

With that, I knew we could leave mom and Darlene* together with the rest of the residents in the dining room.  Michael and Mom hugged and kissed.  Mom told Michael and me how much she loved us and we told her the same.  As we were leaving mom smiled and blew us kisses, we reciprocated.

Walking down the hall of The Community*, Michael said, “What beautiful moments. Darlene* was crying tears because she was happy to see her nephew.”

“Michael, don’t ever forget that moment and how happy and proud Grandma is with you.”

“I won’t.  Grandma is happy to be here at The Community*.”

“Yes, she is; The Community* is an extension of her family.”

My wish came true:  Mom shared Thanksgiving with our family.  I was glad she was back at The Community* where I know she will be safe and well taken care of.

In my day of giving thanks for so many blessings in my life, I remember to give thanks for The Community* and their beautiful, caring staff.  My family is comforted knowing mom is comforted by their care.

 

*The turkey bag above was created by mom in one of her activities at The Community* a few years ago.  Every time I put this out I remember how proud mom was when she had given this gift to me. Mom smiles every time she sees her paper turkey on display  at my house including earlier today. 

Our Thanksgiving Experience

 

On the way to our house, we planned to swing thru the drive-thru at McDonalds to pick up a cheeseburger for mom’s lunch since the turkey would not be ready until 4PM today. Although Ron had heard that McDonalds was open on Thanksgiving, they were not open for the lunch crowd.

While Mom sat in the front seat talking to Ron, I called my brothers from the back seat.  I let them know that Mom was on the way to my home right now and that she was planning on staying overnight.  I suggested that they come when they could because I had no idea how mom would feel as the day grew longer.

When we arrived at the house, Ron helped mom up our garage stairs to our utility room which was by no means an easy task.  Once mom reached the top she sat back in her transporter wheelchair.  Our dogs, Baci and Porsha, both gave mom some love.  She loved the attention.

I heated a pepperoni pizza for us for lunch and cut mom’s slice in bite-size pieces.  She seemed to enjoy the pizza with an Arnold Palmer (tea and lemonade).

Even though our kitchen was extremely warm due to cooking the turkey since early morning, mom felt cold.  Mom wore a beautiful matching top underneath a deep rose-colored sweater. I found another warm sweater that I helped her put on over what she was wearing, however, mom still complained that she was cold.

I grabbed my warmest blanket in my family room which is faux fur. Mom loved the warmth and the feel of this blanket, but asked me if I could wrap the blanket all the way up around her neck.  Wanting to make mom happy, I did.  She looked like a wheelchair mummy with her head just popping out.  Finally, mom was toasty and happy. 

“Julienne, how does my hair look?”

“Would you like me to curl it for you?”

Mom shook her head, “Yes.”

Ron kept an eye on mom, while I raced upstairs to grab the curling iron and a brush.  When I came downstairs, I also put a little blush on mom to make her feel good.  As soon as I finished mom’s hair, mom fell fast asleep.

Ron and I continued preparing Thanksgiving dinner, but kept mom close to us at all times.  We did not want her to wake up and be confused about where she was.

When mom woke up, she was a little hungry and wanted to munch on the mixed nuts.  I showed her that I had a special treat for her . . . lupines which has been an Italian Thanksgiving tradition since we were growing up.  Lupines are an Italian bean snack that you eat with salt sprinkled on them.  Mom loved them and ate quite a few.

 

Around 1:30pm mom said, “Julienne, I am starting to feel anxious.  I'm uncomfortable.”

“Mom, I will give you your pills now.”  I know that her anxiety medicine could be given to her anytime after 1pm, however, most of the time they prefer to wait until 2pm to give her the medication.

Mom swallowed the pills, but kept repeating that she was uncomfortable.

I reassured her several times in the next 15 minutes that the medicine would start to work and she would start feeling better.  At last, the affects of the medicine kicked in.

The doorbell rang; Jamie had stopped by at 2pm before going over to Tracy’s mom’s home for their 2:30pm Thanksgiving dinner.  Mom was sure glad to see him; Jamie told her he would be back to join us for dinner by 4:30pm.

Shortly thereafter, Mom and Dad Lentz came over.  Dad watched the football game while Mom Lentz sat with Mom Mascitti at the kitchen table.  My good fortune is that they both have always liked each other’s company.

Remembering that I had just updated a book of Mom Mascitti’s (Portelli was her last name growing up) art drawings when she was a teenager, I showed the book to both of them. Mom was a talented artist when she was a teenager, but she came from an extremely poor family.  No one in her family realized that mom could have made money as an artist. 

Mom’s favorite characters to draw were from the Brenda Starr comic strip.  As I turned each page, mom said the names of each character she had drawn.  This book was filled with wonderful memories for mom.   Mom Lentz complimented mom on her beautiful drawings which made mom feel great. 

Mom saw the reflection of someone at our window-paned front door . . . Jerome and Debbie were here.  They had decided to come early also. Mom was glad to see them and happier that Jerome sat right alongside mom at the kitchen table to talk to her.  

 

Things were going pretty well until about 3:30pm when mom became highly impatient.  She kept asking if it was time to eat yet.  Although we were eating appetizers now, dinner was not going to be served until 4:30pm when Jamie was scheduled to come back.  Tommy (the turkey)  was not even done cooking. 

Mom insisted that she wanted to eat so she could go back to The Community* to go to bed.  I said, “Mom, I have all your medication, pajamas and clothes for you to sleep here tonight.”

Mom looked at me angrily as though I had lost my mind.  “Why would I want to do this?  I have to go back to my own bed, Julienne!”

“Mom, when we came to visit you today, you asked if you could sleep at my home tonight so I told the nurse and she gave me all your medicine and the extra oxygen tanks.”

“Julienne, you are making up this story.  I would never want to sleep here.   I want to go back to my bed.”

I stopped disagreeing.  “OK, mom, as soon as we are done with dinner I will take you back.”

“I must be back by 6pm.”  Mom said as if she was Cinderella and something would happen to her if she arrived any later than 6pm.

“Mom, I promise, I will have you back by 6pm.”

 

Sandy and Pete and Matt and Michael all arrived by 4pm.

I went back in the kitchen and continued to wait on everyone while Jerome sat next to mom trying to calm her down. He explained that we were waiting for Jamie and Tracy.

I went back over by mom because mom seemed to be panicking. She asked me to call Jamie and see where he was at.  When I called Jamie at 4:20pm, he was on the way.  Mom said, “He’ll understand.  I have to eat now.”  With that, Jerome wheeled mom into the dining room and I made her plate. 

I suggested that we all begin and Jamie and Tracy would join us as soon as they arrived.  As everyone made their plates and sat down, Jamie and Tracy were here.  Once we were all seated, we all held hands and prayed the ‘Our Father’ and of course mom said the prayer in entirety.

Mom loves crispy turkey wings and polish sausage; Ron made them just the way mom likes them.  I cut her wing which seemed huge on her plate.

Jerome helped to feed her while I went to make my own plate. Just as soon as I sat down, mom turned to me and said, “Julienne, let’s go.  I gotta be back by 6pm.”  I tried to explain that the time was not even 5pm yet. I promised she would be back by 6pm, but mom was uncomfortable in her own skin.  Nothing I could say or do was going to settle her down.

As I took my first bite of food mom said, “Julienne, eat faster.  C’mon take me home.”  I ate very little  due to mom’s panic attack which might have been a blessing in disguise.

I stood up from the table and told mom I needed to collect all her things and pack the car so I could take her back.  I had brought two garbage bags filled of items that I needed to return to The Community* including mom’s medication and oxygen tanks. 

Before leaving mom needed to use the restroom, while we were in there mom said, “Julienne, I ask God to bless your every step.”

“Thank you, mom, I love you tons and tons.”

“I love you more, but I want to go home.  I never want to do this again.”

I knew mom had had a nice time, but this was her anxiety talking now so I did not take her comments the wrong way.

Mom and I went back in the dining room so everyone could hug and kiss mom and say goodnight.  I asked for a gentleman volunteer to help me take mom home because I am unable to physically lift mom due to my brain tumor weight restrictions.  Fortunately, Michael, Ron and my godson volunteered.

Our adventures for the evening did not end here, but my blog for today will.

 

Best Laid Plans

 

In anticipation of Thanksgiving, I toiled about whether mom would be able to join our family for Thanksgiving dinner.  For the past 33 years, Ron and I host Thanksgiving dinner at our home.  Celebrating Thanksgiving would not feel right with mom at The Community*.  Certainly my wish was that mom would be able to be with us for dinner, but my dilemma was would she want to come.   Mom feels safe at The Community* because there are nurses and aides at her beckon call.  She has real needs that must be attended to in a timely sometimes urgent matter.

Trying to convince mom to do something she does not want to do is not a good idea. Mom is and has always has been strong-willed.  In the past when I have swayed her to do something, I have not been pleased with the results, unless somehow I convinced her that that the idea was her own.

Two days before Thanksgiving I contacted Dana*, mom’s hospice nurse, to ask her if she thought bringing mom to our home with the family was a good idea.  She did only if mom wanted to attend. Every day mom’s medical conditions change sometimes drastically so making a decision before Thursday morning would be premature.  Dana* strongly suggested waiting until then and letting mom decide for herself. 

When I left mom on Tuesday, I told her that Ron and I would see her on Thursday morning.  As we were driving over Thanksgiving morning, I received a text from Jerome, my older brother, asking if mom was joining us.  If mom was not coming over, he and his family would go over and spend some time with mom before coming to our home.  I texted back that Ron and I were driving over right now to find out.  Mom does not talk on the phone ever so face to face is a must. 

Ron and I decided that we would ask mom if she would like to join the family for dinner.  If her answer was yes, Ron would come back and pick her up at 3:30PM prior to everyone coming to our home at 4PM that way mom could rest up beforehand.  We also discussed that even though mom might say yes now, when Ron came back to pick her up later she might change her mind depending how she was feeling at the time.  Either way the decision was going to be 100 percent mom’s; we were in no way going to force her or guilt her into coming.

Knowing that no matter what mom decided, Ron and I would have at least seen mom on Thanksgiving which would give us both some comfort. 

When Ron and I first saw mom, she said, “You came.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mom,” we both chimed in.

“Mom, remember a few days ago you and I talked about you coming over for Thanksgiving dinner at our home.  If you would like to join us, Ron will come back later and pick you up.”

“I want to come home with you now,” mom cried.

“Great, mom, you can definitely come over now.  Ron and I prefer you coming with us.”

“Will you let me sleep over tonight?  I would like to sleep in your bed,” mom said starring right at my eyes.

“Mom, if you want to sleep over I will go and check with Billy* your nurse.  I will see if we can make your wish happen.”  I looked at Ron as if to say ‘would you mind’; I knew by his look that Ron would do anything for me even if the task was asking him for such and a daunting task.

Mom shook her head up and down, “Please, Julienne let me have Thanksgiving with my dignity.”

“Mom, sit with Ron; I will go to see what I can do.”  With that I informed Billy* about mom’s request.  Billy* knew that I am capable of handling mom for short periods of time; but mom’s overnight request would have to be approved by mom’s doctor.  She asked me if I knew that mom needed constant supervision (much like a toddler learning to walk) every moment while she was in my care obviously meaning throughout the night while mom slept, I would not be sleeping.

I told her to please call mom’s doctor because this was mom’s wish; I refused to let mom down.  The decision for her sleeping over would be left up to mom’s doctor. In the meantime, Billy* would start putting mom’s medication together. 

When I went back over to mom and Ron to give them both an update; mom was frustrated sharing stories with Ron about her bathroom mishaps the night before.  Her storytelling made Ron extremely concerned about our undertaking today.   

I walked back over to Billy*, mom received the approval to come home with me for the evening. I was elated, but apprehensive.  The last thing I wanted was for mom to hurt herself on my watch; our mission with mom was huge and I was not sure we were up for the challenge.

Billy* informed me she was going to need some time to now get mom’s pills ready.  Mom’s medicine schedule is quite an ordeal.  Due to mom’s bout with depression, timing is everything with regards to her medicine.  Heading off her anxiety is instrumental to her feeling good.  Early is always better than late.

While Billy* organized mom’s medications, I mentally made a list of items mom would need to stay over, be comfortable and be safe. My mind was spinning.  Then I proceeded to go to mom’s room and pack her an overnight bag.  Trying to anticipate her every need, I packed an extra change of clothes for today in case mom needed to change(based on her stories about bathroom accidents); pajamas, clothes for tomorrow morning, adult diapers, liners for the bed and chairs mom would sit or sleep in.  I also spoke with mom’s aide and asked if she would fill mom’s oxygen tank which mom had been using today.  I also request another tank for in the middle of the night because mom normally sleeps with oxygen.

Everything seemed to come together, but definitely not fast enough for Ron as mom continually repeated the story of last night’s bathroom and bed mishaps.  Even though we had arrived there around 10am, the time was now approaching noon.  I could not help, but wonder how Tommy, our 22 pound turkey, was doing in our oven.

The Community* was serving lunch and we asked mom if she would like to eat here before we took her back to our house.  Her answer was an affirmative, “No! Let’s go!”

“Mom, as soon as I receive all your medicine and instructions we can leave.”

Shortly thereafter, both Billy* and mom’s aide were back explaining in detail the instructions on medicine and two different oxygen tanks.  Prior to leaving I asked Billy*, “What if mom changes her mind or panics in the middle of the night?”

Billy* comforted me, “Don’t worry if mom wants to come back, call here at this special number after 3pm today and let us know you are bringing her back so we can be ready for her when you arrive here.”  I thanked Billy* for all the extra work she did for us which allowed us to grant mom’s wish.

In the last few months, mom is always cold so keeping her warm and toasty is a priority.   Although the temperature outside on Thanksgiving in Chicago was a delightful balmy 60degrees, to mom the temperature would be bone chilling so Ron helped mom with her winter coat and gloves. 

Mom was all smiles as the elevator doors opened and we were headed for the door.  On our way out, we were greeted by Rosey* who mom thinks is wonderful so I stopped and took a photo of the two of them.  

 

 

 

“Are you ready, mom?”

“I’m ready!”  Mom shaking her head affirming her readiness.

My thought as we left was with God’s help anything is possible. . .

 

Special note:  I believe God’s hand is guiding mom and my journey.  The first part of my Thanksgiving blog is my 100^th post. 

 I do not believe in coincidences.  I do believe in God’s love.

 

 

 

The Power of a Cheeseburger

Yesterday, I had a lunch date with mom.  Of course, her meal of choice was a McDonald’s cheeseburger.  Just this past Sunday, Jamie had brought her a Portillo’s beef sandwich and split the sandwich with her.  Those two meals seem to be her favorites.  Although we have been told that mom does not seem to have an appetite, she does eat well with us.

When I wheeled mom into the Garden Room, I was pleased to see that our favorite window seat table was available.  Mom and I like that table because the view is of the hallway which normally has a good deal of the staff walking by.  When they do each and every one of them smile and wave at mom, making her feel special.  Sometimes one or two of them will even stop by and visit with us for a minute or two.

Mom was extremely weak today and my hopes for mom eating her cheeseburger were slim.   When I unwrapped her cheeseburger, I saw that mom’s hands were shaking more than usual.  So after I tucked a napkin under her chin, unfolded another one for her lap, I decided the best idea was to help mom eat her sandwich first.  Mom likes to be independent and in control now more than ever so I try to honor her wishes, but help on the sideline. 

Mom grabbed the cheeseburger and I cupped my hands underneath hers to help her.  By holding my hands around hers I eliminated much of her shakiness.  She said, “Julienne, eat your cheeseburger.” 

“Mom, you look so nice.  I just want to help a little so you do not end of wearing your cheeseburger.”  Within minutes mom had eaten her entire cheeseburger and drank her entire root beer.  She even made some French fries disappear.

During our luncheon several of the staff like usual walked by waving.  Mom smiled and said, “They know.  They know I am dying.”

“Mom, they love you.  They are smiling because they are happy to see you.”

“Don’t tell me.  I know.”

“Mom, have a showed you our book (Mom would not understand blog) lately?  Look at some of the new photos I added.”  I showed her the photos of the birds, some of the staff and then I showed her the pineapple upside down cake. 

Mom eyes lit up when she saw the photo of the pineapple upside down cake, “Julienne, that looks just like the cake I used to make.”

“You made the best.”

“Yes, I did.  I did a lot of good things.”

“Yes, you did mom.”

“I crocheted a bedspread.”

“Mom, I love my bedspread.  Do you remember that I have your bedspread on one of the beds in my house?”

Mom shook her head yes, “I crocheted Afghans and knitted sweaters.”

“Do you remember your afghan that you made me with the roses?”

Mom shook her head no.

“Mom, I will take a photo of the afghan and show you the next time I am here.”

Then mom said, “Julienne, I have so many things to say.”

“I am here.  I am listening to every word you say.”

“Who is in charge of my casket?”

You can imagine that almost nothing mom says or asks me surprises me anymore, but this one did.  “Mom, your children are in charge.”

“Who?”

“Jerome, Jamie and I will take care of everything.” 

“Julienne, will you do my hair?”

“Mom, I will make sure you look beautiful.”

“I know you want me to look nice.  Don’t worry too much about my hair,” mom said so seriously.

“Mom, I will take care of you.”

Mom shook her head like she knew I would.

“Thank you for Dana*, she’s been my angel.”  Dana* is mom’s hospice nurse.

“I am glad you like her so much.  Dana* likes you, too.”

“That girl, she’s wonderful.”

“Mom, I am so happy she takes good care of you.”

“Julienne, I have more to say. My brain . . . I can’t remember.”

“No worries, mom when you remember you can tell me then.”

Mom said, “Julienne, you didn’t eat your food.”

“My stomach does not feel good.  I am not hungry.”

“You brought me food, when you were sick.”

“I am not sick with anything you can catch; I just have a stomach ache.”

“Take care of yourself, Julienne.”

While mom and I were on the elevator, I said, “Mom, I brought you hairspray today.  Remember yesterday you wanted me to spray your hair after I curled your hair.”

“My hair is already flat.”

“I also brought my curling iron back.  Let’s go to your room and I will curl your hair and this time I will spray your hair when I am finished.”

Mom agreed.

I plugged in the curling iron and while that was heating up.  Mom and I went through her closet.  Curling mom’s hair is so arduous because I am so afraid that I am going to touch and burn her with the hot iron that I place my hand under the iron so if anyone is going to be burned that would be me.  Fortunately, I did not burn myself. 

Mom said impatiently, “Ok, Julienne, just a little.” 

 

“Mom, I am not as good as Jeanne*.  She does a much better job. Mom, I will take a photo so I can show you.”

When I showed mom her photo she said, “It’s fine.  Let’s go I am tired.”  When mom says she tired, she wants to go back to the nurses’ area with her friends where she can nap or sit by them. 

As we were walking out of mom’s room, we ran into Sharon* the hairstylist at this location of The Community* who I had previously contacted to see if she could do mom’s hair.  She said, “What day would you like me to do your mom’s hair next week?’

“Monday, would be great.”  I said Monday because that was the first day that Sharon* would be back from her long Thanksgiving weekend.  Sharon agreed and walked away.

Mom looked at me angrily and said, “Why are you prolonging this?”  Mom thinks I am doing something extra to keep her alive.

“Mom, I promise you I am not doing anything to prolong your life.  I made your hair appointment for Monday.  If you are gone, I will cancel your appointment.”  She appeared OK with that answer.

I wheeled back.  She sat right next to her good friend, Irene*.  I said, “Mom, we had another beautiful day.”  Mom shook her head agreeing.

Darlene said*, “Your mom looks much better.”

Mom said, “I ate a cheeseburger and my daughter did my hair.”

I hugged and kissed mom.  The cheeseburger or doing her hair made a difference today in how mom was feeling. I would bet on the cheeseburger.

Prayer is Always the Right Answer

 

On Monday when I saw mom, she was in a wheelchair hunched over.  She said, “You’re here.  Did they call you?”

“No mom they did not call me.  I just wanted to spend some time with you.  Did something happen to you that they should call me?  Did you fall?”

“No . . . die.”  Mom thinks about dying 24/7 now.  She thinks she was supposed to already die and for some reason she has not. 

“What does the doctor say?”

“He wants you to be comfortable.  Everyone wants you to be comfortable.”

“I am not comfortable.”  Mom said shaking her head.

‘Oh, Julienne, I’m miserable.”

“I am so sorry, mom.  Your life is in God’s hands, not mine.  I am doing everything I can to make you comfortable.”

“Take my clothes home today.”

“Let’s go to your room and you show me which clothes you want me to take home.”

Mom looked at me with disgust like I had four eyes, “All my clothes!!!!”

“Mom, why would I do that?”

“Because I don’t need them; I’m dying.” 

“Mom, please let me leave them.”

“Julienne, do whatever you want.”

“Mom, I brought my curling iron to curl your hair.  You did not let me do that the other day.  How about if I try curling your hair today?”

“OK, Julienne, let’s go; get it over with.”  I brought mom to her room.  I plugged in the curling iron and started curling mom’s hair.  “How does it look?” mom asked me.

“I just started, but your hair is looking better.”

“Enough, Julienne!”  I was able to put a few more curls in. 

“Julienne, did you bring hairspray?”

“No, mom, I forgot.”

“That’s OK.  Let’s go.”  Mom feels very secure around the nurses’ station and wants to go back as soon as possible.

Mom kept looking at the clock.  The time was 3:42PM.  “Julienne, go home and cook dinner.”

“Mom, I have plenty of time to cook dinner.  I want to sit with you.”

“We are going to eat now and then bed.  And that’s it!”

“Julienne, did you tell anyone that I croaked?”  Mom always used the word ‘croak’ to refer to a person that had died.  When I use that word Ron thinks I am terrible.

“No, mom, I did not tell anyone that you croaked.  You are alive.”

“OK, Julienne, I get it!”

Frustrated that mom is so confused today and that I am not getting through to her. I kept saying under my breath.  God please help me say the right words to mom.  And a light came on.  Pray with mom.  I try to pray with mom on each visit, but for some reason today I needed a reminder from up above.

“Mom, would you like to pray with me?”

“Yes,” she shook her head up and down several times.  I had said the right thing.

I said the ‘Our Father’ mom mumbled the words with me; every now and then I made out a word or two that she was saying.  After we finished mom chimed in with an affirmative, “AMEN.”

I proceeded to say the Mom is the Light prayer. Mom said, “I can’t say this on my own.”

So I say a verse and mom tried very hard to repeat, many times I repeated the same sentence until she could say most of the sentence.  I could see she was trying so hard to remember the words.  When we finished mom said, “OK, go home now.  Make dinner.”

“Mom, if you need me for anything call me.  I’ll come right over.”

“Julienne, I’m not going to call you.”

“How about if I come back for lunch tomorrow and bring you a cheeseburger.”

“OK, Julienne, go home.”

We hugged and kissed, but mom could barely hug me today she was so weak.  Mom said, “Julienne, God knows how much I love you.”

“Mom, I know, too.”