Home Sweet Home

Seventeen days after the hospital wanted to discharge Mom Lentz to go home, she is now ready.  After being at The Community* all this time, mom feels so much more confident that she can handle day to day functions.  She looks terrific, feels pretty good, but she tires easily.  She is also walking without a walker. 

Dad Lentz has been so excited that she is ready to come home that he has stocked up on food.  This week dad also bought a new grill and put the grill together.  He is anxious to start up his new barbecue and cook something special for mom. However the temperature today is 102 degrees so he’ll refrain from barbecuing outside tonight.   While vacationing at the Lentz household, he has also bought a patio set so when the weather is pleasant Mom and Dad can relax outside.

We have all managed nicely for the past three and half weeks as Dad Lentz and Muffyn have been the perfect houseguests.  Dad Lentz and I have enjoyed a couple of special dinners out when Ron has been out of town or working late.

Mom Lentz has been dreaming of a nice juicy steak and having her nails manicured. So when Dad and Ron picked Mom Lentz up today they met me at Sullivan’s. During our conversation, Dad mentioned that on his last visit to his home he forgot to turn on the air conditioner.  I immediately suggested that on the way to their home, I would take mom for a manicure while Ron and Dad would stop at our home to pick up Muffyn and then head to their home to put on their air conditioner.

You can imagine how exhausted mom was once I finally took her home, but her home was cool and her nails looked beautiful.   Within moments, mom and dad were fast asleep in their own home on their recliners with Muffyn between them.  What a beautiful site.

We are all glad to be getting our lives back to order.

Today is a very happy day that Mom Lentz went home.  She is on an excellent road to full recovery.  Prior to picking mom up today, we received additional great news.   Our cousin’s granddaughter, Little Lena, after 158 days in the hospital was going home today, too.  She was born 3 months premature.   When I read their post, I had goose bumps and tears in my eyes . . . What a wonderful day!

Top On My List

Today was an exceptional day.  Initially when I got to The Community*, I could not find my mom.  One person told me that she was sitting by the nurses’ station; another person told me she went for a walk; I walked around and around the second floor twice and mom was nowhere to be found.  Then one aide said let me check the washroom near the nurses’ station.  Sure enough mom was there.  

When mom came out, I mentioned that today was her Healthcare Meeting with some of the staff at The Community*.  We meet every three months to discuss mom’s progress.  Mom is always invited to join me, but many times in the past she will tell me to go by myself because she is not in the mood.   Guess what?  Today I convinced her to go.  

Mom said, “Julienne, do you really think I should go?” 

“Yes, Mom, I do.  They would love to see you attend that meeting with me.” 

“Are they going to ask me a lot of questions?  You know I don’t like to answer a lot of questions.” 

“Mom, just answer the questions you want to and I’ll answer the rest.  We’ll be a good team.” 

“OK, I’ll try.” 

I asked mom’s nurse to switch her to her wheelchair instead of her walker so going to the meeting would be a little easier for mom.  As we were leaving the second floor, mom’s good friend, Evelyn said, “Gilda, come and sit by me.” 

“I can’t.  I am going to a meeting with my daughter.  When I come back up, I’ll sit with you.” 

I was so glad that mom has made a good friend with this lady as she is one of the healthier people up there. 

During the meeting, the staff, our hospice nurse, mom and I agreed that mom’s move to the second floor was the best thing we could have done for her.  Mom told everyone that she knows she is getting better, but she is not where she wants to be yet.  Everyone smiled.  Mom was having a great day today. 

When we left the meeting, Mom said, “Julienne, how did I do?  Did I answer all the questions correctly?”

“Mom, you answered the questions perfectly.” 

Before getting back on the elevator to go back to her room, I suggested visiting Mom Lentz in her room.  Mom said, “I don’t think I am doing well enough today.”  

I let her know that Mom Lentz is being released this Thursday.  I emphasized how happy and surprised Mom Lentz would be if we just showed up in her room now.

“Ok, Julienne, but only for a minute.” 

“Mom, you let me know when you’re ready and we are so out of there.” 

As we headed towards the nursing station on the first floor, everyone including nurses, aides, and residents were excited to see Mom down there again.  This was her first visit back here since we moved her to the second floor.  She felt great. 

When we went in Mom Lentz’s room, they were both happy to see each other.  Mom Lentz suggested going for a walk as she has for the last two days been walking without a walker.  We all went out and sat in the garden for about five minutes when mom said, “OK, Julienne, I had enough.” 

“Perfect, mom, it is time to go.”  

However as we walked back in, we saw several people with sherbet ice cream cones. 

“Mom, should we all get an ice cream cone before I bring you back upstairs?” 

“I haven’t eaten ice cream in a long time.”  For some reason mom had convinced herself that she is allergic to ice cream which had no merit, but as usual I just agree with her. 

“Mom, they’re eating sherbet ice cream.  I don’t think that will bother you.” 

“OK, let’s try, Julienne.” 

We all went to their ice cream parlor.  Mom Lentz didn’t want any because she likes to have ice cream after dinner. Mom Mascitti and I both chose the sherbet.   

After we finished our cones, I suggested going to see the receptionist, Susie*, to see if she would take a picture of the three of us.  Both Moms are so used to me taking pictures of them that they both just agreed. 

Just as were taking our photo, a handsome man walked in.  I asked him if he would like to join our photo.  He did as you can see!

We all talked for a few minutes and I took Mom Mascitti back up to her second floor.  She wanted to go back to see if Evelyn was sitting there waiting for her; she was.  Mom started telling Evelyn all about her day. 

Mom was very happy.  When Mom is happy, I am happy.  Today was the happiest I have seen mom in a very long time. 

I went downstairs to say goodbye to Mom and Dad Lentz.  I found them in the garden room playing a card game called Progressive.  They convinced me to sit and play with them.  Today’s card game in The Community* will be our last one before Mom Lentz comes out on Thursday. 

The Community* has done a wonderful job with both Mom Lentz and Mom Mascitti.  Every night before I go to sleep, I think about all the things I am grateful for and The Community* is always on my list.

Puzzled

Friday, I went to Mom Lentz’s room to see her and drop off her clothes I had washed for her.  Her room was empty; she was in physical therapy. I figured that I would stop by later and visit with Mom Lentz when I dropped Mom Mascitti back after her hair appointment.

So I hurried upstairs to pick up Mom Mascitti to take her for her hair appointment. 

 “The days you are not here I am sad, Julienne, but I understand.’ She had brought up the same subject again. 

“How is your book coming?”

“I have lots to do yet, mom.” I was so pleased and surprised that mom remembered.  For so many years, she has had a hard time remembering things that I was just surprised.

Mom was a little more content today. 

“Julienne, I feel better today. Can you tell?”

“Yes, you look wonderful.”

“When we get back, I would like to visit Annette.”

“Sounds like a good idea.  She will be happy to see you.”

Mom had so much she wanted to tell me, but some parts of her conversation were very hard for me to understand initially.  She was not clear and I was trying to read between the lines; I could sense that she knew she was not getting through to me at first.  I really had to listen to what she was telling me to put all the pieces together to understand her.

“Julienne, he says to me ‘don’t worry you are doing a good job’.  They have me working now.  See . . . it is a job.”

“Mom, who is he and what is your job?”

“The guy who walks me, I get tired!”

“Just let him know when you are tired.”

“I do; I do!”

“Mom, do you mean that the guy who walks you thinks you are doing a good job walking.”

“Yes, Yes, Julienne!” frustrated that I took awhile to understand her.

Mom would start several conversations early on today and then mom would say, “Oh, what was I going to say . . .Ohhhhh, I forgot.”

“I did a trick earlier today.”

“What type of trick did you do, mom?”

“The guy gave me something where I had to move the ball from one side to the other.  I could do it.”

“Was that in therapy today?”

“I was with a big group.”

“Did you enjoy the therapy?

“Yes, I enjoyed that.”

Then she was off on another tangent. This one had me stumped for awhile. Mom and I were at her hair appointment when she started this conversation. Joanne, the beautician, was totally stumped. She kept looking at me; shrugging her shoulders; giving me crazy eyes; and shaking her head.

“Julienne, the doctor is controlling me.  He makes my hands shake and then when he wants he shuts it off.  He made me cold today that’s why I am wearing a heavy sweater.”

“What!  Why would he do that to you?  How does he do that, mom?”

“He is trying to make me better.  You know, Julienne.”

“Mom, I am not sure I understand.”

“Julienne, everybody here is different.  The doctor controls everyone.  Today he made the woman in the bed next to me throw her guts up at 5AM this morning.  He is trying to help her. Do you believe me?”

“Mom, I believe you.  I just don’t know why the doctor would do that.”

 “The doctor made the woman throw up?” gasped Joanne.

“Yessssssssssssss!” said mom.  “Everybody is different.  He does whatever he needs to help that person.”

“Gilda, I don’t understand either.”

“He made her throw up and my hands freeze.”

“Mom, was the doctor in your room this morning with you both?”

“No, he was on the microphone!”

“Mom, I am trying, but I am so confused.  Where is the microphone?”

“In the nurse’s ear; she is talking to the doctor.  He tells her what to do. They talk back and forth all day long.  He controls us. The nurse told me.”

A light went on.  Finally, I understood what she was trying to tell me.

“Mom, I understand what you are saying now.  I get it!”

“Julienne, do you believe me?”

“Yes, mom, I always believe you!”

What my mom was trying to say is that every time a resident goes to the nurse complaining of a problem or condition he or she is experiencing, the nurse calls the doctor on her phone.  The nurse usually has a headset on.  She describes the patient’s problem to the doctor and he prescribes medicine or whatever is needed to help the patient.  The nurse tells her patient that she called the doctor and this is what he prescribed.  Get it!

Nine Lives

On Tuesday, I received a call from physical therapy at The Community*. 

“Would you please bring your mom’s personal walker back?” Sherrie asked.

“I was told 'mom would never walk again'.”

“Well, she has been walking today with our walker.  She wants to have her own walker back.  Your mom has gained some of her strength back again.  As long as someone walks with her, she is OK to walk on her walker. ”

“I’ll be happy to bring the walker back.”

“Your mom has good days and bad days.  Let’s keep the walker here for those good days.”

On Wednesday, mom was in the lunch room eating when I stopped by to bring her walker back to her.

“Julienne, I missed you these last few days.  Where have you been?”

“Mom, I am busy working on some photo books.  I have so many projects, I need to get done.”

“I know; I just like to see you.”

“Mom, I brought your walker back. I put the walker in your room.”

 “Julienne, can you believe I am walking again?”

“Mom, I am so proud of you.”

“I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to walk.”

“You’re doing great mom. Let’s just take one day at a time. “

“I already walked this morning.”

“That’s great.  I’ll let you finish eating; I will see you Friday.  Remember: you are getting your hair done and we’re going out for lunch on Friday.”

“Tell the nurse on your way out.”

“Love you, mom.  See you then.”

“Thank you, thank you so much.  Julienne, I love you.”

Mom has more lives than a cat.  There have been so many times when she has been so bad that I thought her last day was that day.  When I leave her on a day like today, I am amazed how her body and mind can spring back every now and then.  Only God knows what her future holds. 

Pinochle Therapy

After leaving Mom Mascitti, I went to look for the rest of my group. 

I found them in the garden room playing pinochle.  This was Mom Lentz’s best day so far.  She looked and felt great.  She had walked to the garden room. Today is the first day anyone of us have seen mom out of bed.  When we see her, she has been tired from therapy or not feeling well. What a difference!

Mom and Dad love playing cards especially pinochle.  I knew when she had surgery that she would be up playing cards just as soon as heavenly possible.   Look at her smile; she does not look like she had a kidney remove less than two weeks ago from when this picture was taken.

They had just started playing so I sat down and joined them.  The only thing that makes mom happier than playing Pinochle is beating Ron and Dad at Pinochle.  The girls did not win this day; after all, it was Father’s Day. 

On Monday, when we talked to Mom Lentz, she was feeling terrible.  She had overdone it the day before.  She was so sick she wasn’t even able to participate in physical therapy.  She was faced with stomach problems.  Her doctor said this is normal; she had a lot of air in her stomach from the surgery.

On Tuesday, when dad came home from visiting mom he said, “I have good news and bad news.  What would you like first?”

“OK, dad, give us the bad news.”

“I am going to be living with you for at least the next 10 days.   HaHaHa!”

“The good news better be worth it, dad.  HaHaHa!”

“Mom is doing much better today and tomorrow her stitches will be removed.”

“That's great news!”

No Time Like the Present

On Father’s Day, Ron, Dad, and I headed to The Community*.  When we arrived, they both went to visit Mom Lentz; I went upstairs to see Mom Mascitti.

“Julienne, if you hurry you can catch them!” mom shouted.

“Mom, who am I trying to catch?”

“Jamie, Jerome and Debbie just left and they are going to see Annette. You should hurry if you want to see them.”

“Mom, I came to see you not them.”

“Would you like to go downstairs and visit Mom Lentz?”

“No, Julienne, I do not feel good enough to visit her.”

“Are you sure mom she has been here since last Tuesday?”

“No, Julienne, when I feel better, I will visit her.”

“OK, mom, you are the boss!”

“Mom, I stopped in your room on my way to see you and straightened your clothes in your closet.  Guess what I saw . . . the missing black shoe!”

“Yes, Julienne, my nurse found my shoe today.”

“Where did she find your shoe?”

“Somewhere in my room, I wasn’t there when she found it.”

“Julienne, take me to my room. I want to show you something.”

“Would you take my new nightgowns home?   They are too sexy.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They have lace around the neck.”

“Mom, they just have a little lace on the neckline.”

“Julienne, I don’t want sexy nightgowns.”

“Mom, you wanted warm nightgowns. These nightgowns are beautiful, soft, and long-sleeved to keep you warm.”

“Yes, they’re gorgeous, but I want you to take them home. ”

“No problem, I’ll take them home when I leave.”

I went to bring mom back to the activity room where some of the other residents were.

“Julienne, do you think I will ever be able to go without oxygen.  I get tired of this all around me.”

“I don’t know, mom.”  Not wanting to promise her something I cannot deliver.

I told her that I would ask the nurse to speak with her doctor and see if that would be possible even for a short while just to give her a break. 

“When the doctor gives us an answer, mom, I will let you know.”

I kissed mom goodbye. 

When I passed the nurses’ station, I thanked the nurse for finding mom’s shoe.  I asked her about writing a note for the doctor about mom’s oxygen.  The nurse said, “I don’t need to ask the doctor.  I will give her a 30 minute break and check her oxygen level to see how she is after 30 minutes.  I suggested we go tell mom the good news together.

“Julienne, what’s up?”

“Good news, mom.  Betty is going to take your oxygen off for 30 minutes and see how you do. If your oxygen level is still good she will schedule breaks for you in the future.”

“Julienne, I knew you could do it.” Mom grabbed by hands and kissed them. “Thank you so much.”

I left mom feeling like I had made a real difference in her quality of life today by just listening to mom and letting her wishes be known.

The Missing Shoe Caper was over even though I never found out the exact details . . . it really did not matter.

Missing Shoe Caper

On Friday, I first stopped by to spend time with Mom Lentz.  I had washed her clothes and I wanted to deliver them.  Unfortunately, she has had a lot of nausea and has suffered from constipation which has made her recovery difficult thus far.  Today seemed to be Mom Lentz’s best day yet.  She was exhausted after two and a half hours of physical therapy.  She was lying in bed watching TV.   Today was the first day she smiled so I knew she was feeling some relief.  I mentioned to her that my Aunt Jay was going to be visiting mom today.  I asked if she would mind having Aunt Jay visit her also. She said she would love to see Aunt Jay.  So off I went.

I hurried up to Mom Mascitti as now I was running a little late.  I like to allow an extra half hour before she has to leave for her salon appointment to make sure her oxygen tank is full; she has taken her medicine; she has gone to the toilet; and I have enough time to find her nurse and sign mom out. 

Mom’s anxiety was extremely high today.  She pointed out immediately that the night aide who she does not like hid one of her new black shoes on purpose.  The morning aide could not find it hence she was wearing her new white ones.

Earlier that week, mom’s feet were swollen from water retention so I went and purchased two pairs of Danskin shoes with Velcro so the aides could put them on mom’s feet easily without hurting her.  The hospice nurse suggested buying her shoes at least another whole size larger, so I did.  When mom saw the shoes in black and white, she thought two pairs were too extravagant.  She wanted me to take one pair back.  Thank God I did not because one of the black shoes had gone missing.

I searched mom’s room; I could not find mom’s right shoe. 

When we headed towards the car Mom said, “Julienne, thank God you are calm because I am a basketcase today.”

“Mom, please do not worry about your missing shoe.  If we cannot find the other shoe, I will buy you another pair.”

“Julienne, that’s not the point.  Don’t you understand?”

“Mom, I am trying the best I could.”

“I know you are, but the night person is mean to me.  She calls me every name in the book.  She tells me to shut up because I ask too many questions.  She throws my clothes around. She mistreats me.”

“Mom, I do not want you to be mistreated.  When we get back, I will talk to your nurse.  I will report the night aide.”

After mom told the whole story to her beautician and had her hair done; Mom’s anxiety seemed to die down a bit.  I asked mom if she still wanted to go to McDonalds for her favorite cheeseburger.

“Yes, let’s try,” she said.

When we arrived at McDonalds, I made the mistake of asking her if instead of ordering a Double Cheeseburger likes she has always ordered but only eats half, why not order a single cheeseburger that way she could eat it all.  She initially thought my idea was a good one.  However, after her first bite into the single cheeseburger.  She shook her head and said, “No, this is not as good.”

“Mom, stop eating the Single Cheeseburger.  I’ll go in and buy you a Double Cheeseburger.”

“No, Julienne, next time order me a Double Cheeseburger.”

“OK, Mom, I’ll order you a Double Cheeseburger next time.”

I should have known better. Why in the world would I try to change something mom loves?  Next time she’ll have a Double Cheeseburger!

I drove back to The Community* and as we were just about to get onto the elevator, Aunt Jay walked in.  Aunt Jay and Mom were both very nice to each other.  I asked mom if we should show Aunt Jay the beautiful garden with the baby ducks, fish and the beautiful birds.  She agreed.  We all sat out there for a short while until mom said she was too hot.

Mom wanted to go and talk to her nurse to talk about her lost shoe and the night aide, so we all went up to the second floor.  Mom did show Aunt Jay her room while I once again searched for her missing shoe there.  Aunt Jay brought Mom a People magazine.  Mom explained she does not ever read magazines.  I suggested she might want to look at the pictures.  Mom asked me to put the People in her night stand.  Many things go into mom’s night stand or drawers where they are never seen again by mom.

I reported the missing shoe to mom’s hospice nurse and told her about the night aide.  She said she would talk to mom’s nurse and report the incident.  I cautioned the hospice nurse that I am not sure if mom is being mistreated or not due to other things that mom has said that do not appear to be true.  But I told her I also do not want my mom mistreated.  The hospice nurse agreed and we both went to tell her regular nurse.  Her regular nurse said she would look into the situation.   Both nurses assured me they would do their best to also find mom’s shoe.   

Aunt Jay and I left mom.  We went to visit Mom Lentz.  We just stayed a short while.  Aunt Jay had made Mom Lentz biscotti’s or in Italian we call them ‘bru-skees’ not sure the proper spelling.  Unfortunately, Mom Lentz would have to wait until she gets the OK from her doctor to have any sweets.   I had to eat one immediately; they were delicious as you might have guessed. 

In the next blog, we will continue the search for her missing shoe.

Happy Flag Day

June 14 is Flag Day, but this day is also my birthday.  I wanted to spend my birthday with both of my moms since I have not had both of them together for my birthday for over 30 years.

The morning started out with a phone call from Mom Lentz to wish me a Happy Birthday. She has never forgotten my birthday. Even though Mom Lentz is recuperating in The Community*, I had no doubt she would remember. On the other hand, Mom Mascitti has not remembered my birthday in years.  Yet this year was different because I understood why Mom Mascitti would not remember and I was OK.  Mom Mascitti does not even talk on the phone any longer.

On Wednesday, I chose to make two dozen cupcakes to bring to share with my moms and the nursing staff at The Community*. I wanted to celebrate my birthday with both of them.   

On Thursday, I went to see Mom Lentz.  She was happy to see me, but, she was not able to eat a cupcake due to her diabetes.  She was told that eating sugar delays her healing so she is trying to give up sweets entirely while she is recovering from her surgery. After spending some time with Mom Lentz, I proceeded upstairs to see Mom Mascitti and share a cupcake with her.

She was in the activity room where a group of residents were watching the Match Game.  Mom’s head was bobbing; I knew she was dozing off even though the back of her wheelchair was facing me.   I set up a table for two in the back of the room for mom and me. I went up behind mom and started to wheel her backwards towards the table.

 She woke up and said, “Is it time to go? 

“Hi mom, look it’s me.  I brought you something special.”

“Where did you get all those cupcakes?”

“I made them for my birthday.”

“Julienne, I did not remember,” as she sadly put her head down. 

“Mom I am not here to make you feel bad.  I wanted to celebrate my birthday with you.  I am here to eat some cupcakes.  Look I brought special Flag Day napkins and paper plates just like we have done on my past birthdays.”

“Julienne, you did not have to go through all this trouble”.

“I know, mom, I wanted to.”

“These cupcakes are really good.  Why did you bring so many cupcakes?”

“I wanted to share them with your nurses and Mom Lentz’s nurses.”

“Let me tell you who should get one.”

“You decide mom and I will take the rest to Mom Lentz’s nurses.”

Mom and I had a very nice, but short visit as bingo was going to start.  Mom told me she was happy to celebrate my birthday.  She once again told me that she loved me from the bottom of her heart. I knew that I would cherish this birthday party with mom for the rest of my life. I just could not pass up a chance to celebrate with mom because my guess is this birthday will be our last together. 

Two Moms One Place

First thing Tuesday morning, we receive a call that Mom Lentz has qualified to go to a rehab facility,  As you might have guessed she is going to The Community*.   Dad Lentz and I went to the hospital to give Mom some clothes to wear as the Medicar will not transport her in a hospital gown.  Afterwards Dad and I went to The Community* to fill out all the tedious paperwork of checking someone in.  Signing this paperwork takes longer than signing the paperwork to buy a house.  Dad Lentz was happy to take the time to sign each and every form because he knew Mom Lentz was better off there.

By the time Mom Lentz arrived we had finished all the paperwork.  We wheeled mom to her room.  She was feeling lousy and in a lot of pain, but we knew she was glad to be there.  After I helped make Mom Lentz as comfortable as possible, I walked to see Mom Mascitti to see how she was progressing on the second floor.

The events in these last 24 hours seem amazing.  I just moved Mom Mascitti from the first floor to the second floor, now I was moving Mom Lentz from the hospital into the first floor where Mom Mascitti used to be.   Hard to believe . . .  reality is stranger than fiction.

Patients Need Advocates

Many moons have passed and I just had time now to continue my story about last Monday.  What happened next that day is too important not to share with you.

When I called Ron, I was informed that her doctor had said that she does not need rehab.  I was livid.  How could this possibly be?  Mom Lentz could not get out of bed, or go to the wash room or dress herself without assistance.  She just started to speak yesterday.  Dad Lentz has a cane.  He is hard of hearing.  How in the world would the doctors expect her to survive at home?  Home health care is not a 24-hour service.  What happens when home health care is not there?  What happens in the middle of the night when she has to go to the wash room?  What happens if she falls?

Ron said angrily, “I am just telling you what they told me.  The doctor is refusing to put her in a rehab center.  Dad is a nervous wreck.  He does not know how he will be able to take care of mom.  I spoke with mom too.  She cannot believe they are discharging her.  She does not want to go home yet.”

“Honey, do not pick up mom from the hospital.  I am going to call the doctor and tell them that this is unacceptable.”

Upon calling the doctor and explaining to his assistant our predicament, the assistant stated she would call me back after speaking with the doctor since he was with another patient right now.  What I was told when she called back was that I would have to call Social Services at the hospital to inform them that I want mom to go to a rehab facility.  The doctor stated that social services determine if she needs rehab.

When I contacted the social services person who was assigned to Mom Lentz case, she told me I was too late.  She had already signed the discharged papers so mom was discharged as far as the hospital was concerned.   She snottily told me, “If the family wanted mom to have rehab, the family had to request this from our doctor the day of her surgery.   Then mom’s doctor has to place an order for social services so that social services could look into it.  She said they normally need days to do this.  Mom has been discharged already and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it.”

“First of all, my husband and Mom Lentz both talked to both the surgeon and her doctor before the surgery took place.  They both said that Mom Lentz will be evaluated after surgery.  They will not let Mom Lentz go home unless she would be able to take care of herself.”

“This is the first I have heard about your mom needing a rehab facility.  Someone dropped the ball, but either way it is too late.  She is already discharged.”

“How do you sleep at night?” I said sarcastically.

“What?  How could you say that to me?” demanded the social worker.

“Very easily . . . Mom Lentz cannot dress herself, walk by herself, and get to the toilet by herself. You expect her to go home with a little help from home health care!  Dad Lentz cannot help her to get up from bed or anywhere else.  He is 79 and uses a cane.”

“Her situation at home is not my concern.”

“Shame on you; her situation should be important to you.   As I said before, how do you sleep at night?  If you send her home, this situation will be an accident waiting to happen.  Mom or Dad Lentz will get injured and I will hold you, the hospital and the doctor responsible.”

“Did you just threaten me?”  

“Yes, I am not a newbie to rehab facilities.  I know you can make a call and get her a room right now. “

“It is 3:45PM, I go home at 5PM and so do the people I need to talk with at the rehab center.  Furthermore, I cannot do anything without an order from Mom Lentz’s doctor.  I do not know why he told you I could do put her in a rehab center without one.”

“You do not want to do it because you have to redo your paperwork.  Do you realize how ridiculous this sounds to me?  I am in The Community’s parking lot right now; I know there are rooms available.  Call them, they know me, I have been working with them on a regular basis for the past five years.”

“I cannot do anything unless you get me an order from your doctor.”

“I will call now and put us on a three-way.”

“No, just tell the doctor to call me and give me an order.”

I called the doctor back and explained to the doctor’s assistant that Mom Lentz would be considered for a rehab center if the doctor places an order for her to be evaluated by physical therapy.  I said that I was disappointed that the doctor gave me the runaround in the first place.  I mentioned that I would be calling her back in fifteen minutes if I did not hear from the doctor or the social worker by then because time was of an essence.

Less than ten minutes later, I received a call from the social worker’s assistant.  She asked me who my relative at The Community* was.  I gave her mom’s name.  The Community* immediately said they would hold a room for Mom Lentz tonight in hopes that she would qualify in the morning after Mom Lentz was evaluated by physical therapy. The hospital was going to keep Mom another night and determine what to do in the morning.

When I called Ron, he was relieved.  When Ron told Dad Lentz, he was relieved.  And as you can imagine, when I visited Mom Lentz and told her, she was relieved.  The bottom line is that when your loved ones are in the hospital, they need an advocate who will go to war for them . . .  someone who will fight to protect them and their rights.

Dementia and the Devil

Tonight I am writing this overdue retraction to my blog titled “Mom’s Needs First”. 

Mom’s mental and physical needs are my top priority.  There should be no question on my intentions when I react to anyone or anything that could aggravate mom’s condition.  However, I jumped the gun when I heard that a family member had said something to mom that hurt her feelings. 

I know that this person loves mom and that he would never try to hurt her.  My first thought when mom told me is to wonder if he did not realize how delicate her condition has been. I thought maybe he said the statement innocently, but did not know how she would react.

 So naturally, I thought let me inform other family who may be thinking of visiting what not to do.  Prior to his visit, I had considered telling anyone who wanted to visit my recommendations, but I never made the time until mom mentioned that statement.

The truth is HE NEVER SAID that hurtful statement to my mom!

 

After reading my blog he was hurt himself; I do not blame him.  He would never have said something so insensitive.  The intention of his visit was to let mom know how much he loved her.  He wanted to spend quality time with her alone.  The truth is (which I heard from a good source) that he took her for a walk and they had a wonderful conversation.

Why did my mom tell me something entirely different?  I have to believe that her dementia was and is taking over her mind.  In one of my earlier blogs, I mentioned that mom’s psychiatrist told me that her dementia was progressing rapidly.  At that same time, the doctor alerted me that mom may tell me things that never happened, but they are real to her because they happen in her mind.  This is a mean trick that the Devil uses to make mom’s last days miserable. 

Mom has always been clinically depressed; I am not sharing anything new that I have not mentioned to you before.  When mom told me the comment, I reacted without remembering what her doctor had told me because I was there so soon after the relative’s visit, I would not have thought she had time to concoct this crazy story in her mind.  But she did.

I deeply apologize to him and his family because several of our wonderful family members who care about mom were not too pleased with the comment which HE NEVER said.  I wish God made me perfect, but he did not.   

All I can say is I am never too proud to say “I am sorry”.  

Good For Mom

During the past weekend, Ron and I have been praying for Mom M to be able to handle her room change scheduled for Monday.  The social worker asked me to meet her at 12:30PM on Monday.  We would both plan on taking mom up to stay in her new room on the 2^nd floor.  Needless to say, I was not looking forward to making mom move.

On my way to help Mom M, I received a call from Ron saying that Mom L was been discharged from the hospital this morning.  Ron mentioned that they were going to have mom go home and would schedule Home Health Care to assist her once she arrived home.  I told Ron to call our doctor. Mom L. going home is unacceptable; she is definitely not ready. I suggested he ask for Mom L to be transferred to a rehab facility for her to have the necessary therapy she will need to walk properly and for her to get back to her normal activities as quickly as possible.  He agreed and placed a call to our doctor who is also Mom L’s doctor.

In the meantime, I drove to help Mom M.  When I arrived Mom’s current nurse told me that mom was in the lunch room.  I did not want mom to see me because she would stop eating and want to be with me.  So I told her nurse that I was going to go up to her new room, organize her closet, and hang her paintings.  I wanted mom’s room to be as nice as heavenly possible before she came up to see her new room.

My buddy, the maintenance man was there bringing up mom’s stuff.  He has helped me with four moves in the past few short months.  He is a very kind and patient man. He has to be to work with me as I am a Gemini; I change my mind several times.

Mom has the middle bed of a three-bedded room.  The woman in the first bed as you walk into the room was there the whole time as we were pounding nails in the wall and moving mom’s things into her drawers.  She was lying in bed and did not say Boo.

Just as I finished putting the final touches on Mom’s room, Mom and her nurse from the 1^st floor passed by the room.  Mom was so happy to see me. 

Mom said, “Julienne how is the room?  Will I be OK here?” 

“Mom, you are going to be great here.  There are so many more nurses to help you.”

“Julienne, I have a hard time eating by myself.”

“Mom, you do not have to worry about that anymore.  The aide up here will help you.”

“Really. . . because I need help.”

“Mom, I know that is why you are up here.”

Diane from hospice came in to greet mom.  “Gilda, I am so happy to see you.  I am going to take good care of you up here.  How do you like your room?”

“My daughter says she likes the room.  I hope I like it.”

“I am sure you will.  The people up here are so nice.”

Mom’s dementia has progressed since last Friday.  She seems frightened. Thank God that he gave me the wisdom to hire hospice last week.  They have already been a godsend.  I have heard they are like angels and now I know why.  Everyone is so comforting to mom. They listen to mom.  She makes the choices. 

Mom has decided she no longer wants to take showers; instead she wants to be sponge bathed.  Since that is her wish, they will honor her wish.  Hospice calls me after every visit with her.   Their main concern is to make mom comfortable.  She knows they are her helpers and they are there especially for her.  She loves Diane, her hospice nurse.  What a wonderful thing! 

While we were still in mom’s new room she said, “Julienne, my feet are hurting me.”

When I knelt down to look at her feet, mom’s ankles were black and blue and swollen.  Diane said she would contact mom’s doctor and have him take a look at her today.   When I took off mom’s shoes she said her feet felt a little better. I cannot imagine how the aide put on mom’s shoes because they clearly no longer fit.  Mom said that the aide hurt her when the aide put her shoe on.  I told mom that I was going to take her shoes home so they could not put them back on her.

By the way, I failed to tell you that mom is back in a wheelchair.  After reading about her swollen ankles, you probably realize that she could not possibly walk right now.  When I saw mom in the wheelchair, I had asked where they put mom's walker.  The walker was still downstairs, but upon bringing the walker to me I was told that mom would probably not be using it any longer.  The walking stage was over for mom.  I asked mom if she was OK with having me take it home.  She shook her head to let me know she understood and I was OK to bring the walker home with me.

Diane was still with me.  She suggested putting mom’s feet up in the wheelchair to alleviate some of her swelling.  Diane put the footrests on mom’s wheelchair.  I told mom not to worry about being barefoot for tonight since she had her footrests now. I told mom that I would go and buy her new shoes in a larger more comfortable size and bring her new shoes tomorrow.

Mom wanted to see where they put her lift chair.  I mentioned that I had the chair placed by the nurses’ station where all the activities are going on.  I also made sure her chair was near a wash room.  Diane said she would bring her there while I was collecting all the items mom said she no longer wanted.

A few minutes later Diane came back in the room to tell me she brought mom into the activity room.  Bingo was being played and mom was too late to get in the game, but Diane had placed her right next to the activities director so she could watch her. 

I thanked her and went to the activities room.  

The activities director introduced herself.  In between calling the numbers and helping two other residents, the activities director made time to talk with mom and introduce her to other residents.

When I went to hug mom, she would not let go of me.  I said, “Mom, you will be OK.  You are in good hands.”

“Julienne, I wish you would stay with me for a few days until I get used to my new place.”

“Mom, you are going to be very happy here.  I feel very good that they are going to take very good care of you.”

“Tell me again, Julienne, what is wrong with me.”

“Mom, you have dementia.”

“That’s right, I remember some others ladies had this.  Will I get better?”


"I don't know, Mom.  I hope so."


"I knew someone that did, Julienne."


"That's great.  I hope you feel better, Mom."

The whole time we had this conversation she was squeezing my hands.  I kissed her hands before I left and said, “Mom, I love you with my heart and soul.  I will be back tomorrow.”  She shook her head up and down.  She knew I would.

As I was leaving The Community* today, I asked if the CEO had a moment to talk with me.  I thanked her for realizing that my mom needed to be placed onto the second floor even though I had disagreed with her last week. I did not want to believe my mom’s illness would keep progressing so fast.  Mom truly needs extra care.  The CEO was so glad that I stopped by to talk with her.  She was so glad that I realized they were only looking out for mom’s best interest and safety. She said very few families ever thank them for putting their parent or loved one on the second floor. 

I walked to my car feeling good about what I accomplished today for mom.  When I sat in my car, I called Ron and cried. 

Thank you, God, for being there with me every step of the way.  I know you are carrying me because I could not exist without your love for mom and me. 

Side Note:  Tomorrow I will blog the rest of my day which is all about Mom Lentz. I thought my day after I left my Mom Mascitti would wind down.  I had no idea what I was in for!!!   (I am just too tired right now to keep writing).