No Means No

 

 

The Community* was having a Hawaiian Luau for residents and their families last Friday night.  Originally when I received the flyer, I thought the luau might be something mom would enjoy.  Unfortunately when I brought the luau up to mom she asked what time it started.   When I told that the luau began at 7pm.  Mom was clear that she had no desire to attend.  In mom’s present condition she likes to eat at 5pm and get ready for bed at 7pm. 

When I saw Shirley*, the activities person, on Friday, she asked if I would be coming back later this evening for the Hawaiian Luau.  I said  Ron and I would have attended, but mom informed me the luau started too late.  Shirley* mentioned the luau would be good for mom.  I totally agree if the time of the luau was earlier.  I assured Shirley*  I would ask mom again. If mom changed her mind about attending the Hawaiian luau, we would be happy to accompany her.

Even though I had a pretty good idea that mom was not going to change her mind, I thought I would ask her one more time just in case mom had talked to any of the other residents and had second thoughts about attending.

“Mom, tonight The Community * is having a Hawaiian Luau.”

Mom questioned, “Doesn't it start late?”

“The luau starts at 7pm.”

“I get ready for bed at 7pm.”

“They are having Hawaiian food and dancers.”

Shaking her head mom stated, “I’m not interested.”

“Ron and I would be happy to come back and go with you.”

“If you and Ron want to go; go . . . I’m not going.”

“Ron and I do not want to go without you.”

“Julienne, are you listening to me?”

“Yes, mom, you do not have to have to attend.”

“OK, good.”

Mom is very comfortable with her routine; differentiating from her schedule makes mom anxious.  We want mom to feel safe and comfortable so we do not push mom into anything she does not want to participate in.  Mom joins in almost all the activities at The Community* so when she does not want to do something, I feel she should be allowed to make her own decision.  I am sure the Hawaiian Luau was very nice, but mom was happier not attending.