Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today mom is 85 years young.  Considering everything she has been through and diagnosed with this year, mom is doing quite well.  Most importantly, mom feels much love.

She has experienced two wonderful birthday celebrations this week with her sons, daughter and respective families. 

But last week while spending quality time with mom, I asked her what she would like to do for her birthday.  Her words were “Forget about it”.   

 

I shook my head adamantly saying, “Mom, that is not going to happen.  We all want to celebrate your birthday.  How about if I cook dinner and have everyone over?” 

“No, Julienne, let’s just go out to eat; make it easy for everyone.”

Mom was definite that she did not want to go out for dinner either.  If we were taking her out, she would only agree to go out for lunch.  Aging seniors sometimes have Sundowners Syndrome which is a type of mood disorder that is often associated with people in the early stages of dementia and Alzheimer’s.  Patients experience periods of extreme agitation and confusion in the late afternoon or early evening hours which makes them have more anxiety as the sun goes down hence the illness is appropriately called ‘sundowners’ .  Mom told me she likes to get her pajamas on and be ready for bed at 6:30pm.   She finds comfort and security in her daily routine.  Far be it for us to do anything that makes mom anxious.

Mom told me several times that I was to make sure that everyone knew she did not want a balloon.  Her emphasis was that she did not want to draw attention to herself or her birthday.  I assured her that I would check with The Community’s* staff to make sure that they did not give balloons to residents on their birthday.  I was informed that they do not.  If another resident had one they must have been given the balloon by their family or friend.  Just to make sure mom was not unpleasantly surprised with a well-intentioned balloon for her birthday, I emailed my brothers’ mom’s request.

Prior to me leaving that day, mom said, “Julienne, will you bring cupcakes for the staff on my birthday.”  At first I thought if she did not want to bring attention to herself why would she want birthday cupcakes, but instead of questioning her I replied, “I’ll be happy to, mom.”

After talking with my brothers, the decision was made for my brothers and their families to celebrate mom’s birthday on the Sunday before her birthday by taking her to brunch at Algauer’s.  Ron and I chose taking mom out on her actual birthday to Red Lobster which gave mom two birthday celebrations.  

Before I left mom last Friday, I explained everything to her so she would not be surprised.  She commented, “I wish this holiday was over.” 

“Mom, are you talking about your birthday?”

“Yes, you guys don’t need to do anything.”

“Mom, you are going to be able to spend quality time with your family around your birthday.  I’m sure Sunday will be wonderful. ”

Prior to the brunch, I hinted to Jamie that mom was anxious about going out.  After all this is the first time she has eaten in a restaurant since she has been at the healthcare facility.  The last time she was with everyone was at Sandy’s and Pete’s for Easter.  The event was very traumatic for her.

Jamie assured me that he would seat mom between him and Jerome to make mom feel comfortable.  On Sunday, after their brunch I received a nice text from Jamie stating that brunch was a success.  Everyone, especially mom, had a great time.  I was so happy to receive the text.

Today when I visited mom she reinforced that she enjoyed being together for her birthday brunch.

After arriving at The Community* today, I stopped by the reception desk to arrange the cupcakes I had brought for the staff in celebration of mom’s birthday.  I passed out some of the cupcakes to some of the first floor staff that I saw as a walked towards the elevator knowing mom would want me to present them with a cupcake.  

 

As I stepped onto the elevator a woman with a bouquet of balloons also stepped in, I thought to myself . . . I sure hope those are not for mom.  Fortunately, when the elevator doors opened the woman turned right and I turned left.  I thought  . . . Whew that was a close call!

As I approached the nurses’ station where my mom was sitting I was greeted by many smiling staff faces.  Her nurse, Billy said, “Your mom is waiting for you.  She is very excited to be going out to lunch for her birthday.”

In my peripheral vision I could see mom sitting in her chair, she had a Happy Birthday crown on her head and a huge smile on her face.

 

“Julienne, everyone here wondered what time you were coming.  They were all waiting for the cupcakes.”

“Happy Birthday, Mom.  It is only 11am.  Here are the cupcakes; I brought chocolate and vanilla.”

“Do you think you brought enough cupcakes?” 

“Mom, I have two platters-a total of 40 cupcakes.”

“OK, Julienne, I guess you know.   Where’s Ron?  I told everyone he was coming too.”

“He is going to meet us at Red Lobster.”

Then, Dana, mom’s hospice nurse came over and gave mom a card and you guessed it a balloon.   Mom said, “Oh no, not a balloon.  I don’t want it.”

 

“Dana, I am sorry I forgot to tell you that mom did not want a balloon.”

“I almost bought her a plant and then I chose a balloon,” Dana said sadly.

“Mom, why don’t we leave your balloon at the nurses’ station?  Then everyone can enjoy it.”

“Yes, I agree,” mom gave a sigh of relief while all of the staff around us all laughed.

 

"Julienne, I don't want to wear this crown in the restaurant."

 

"No problem, let's put the crown in your room."  When we went to mom's room, we put the crown on her bear.

 

When we arrived at Red Lobster, Ron was waiting for us in his car.  Mom was happy to see him.  “You guys didn’t have to do this.”

“Happy Birthday, Mom.”

Mom knew exactly what she wanted, “I told everyone I was having lobster for lunch.”

“Mom, I know you like shrimp also.  How about the Seaport shrimp and lobster platter?”

“Great!”

Due to the size of the platter, Mom and I split.  She ate more than half the platter saying, “I remember the food tasting differently.”

“Mom, as we all get older our taste buds change.  Did you enjoy the meal?”

“Yes, you are both wonderful.”

Five of the wait staff at the Red Lobster came up to our table and sang Happy Birthday.  In addition, they presented mom with a Red Lobster menu with the words Happy Birthday from the Red Lobster.  Mom loved it!!!

 

“This is the second time today, people sang Happy Birthday to me.”

“What was the first?”

“Shirley*(the activity director) had everyone sing when she gave me the crown.”

“Mom, you’ve had quite a birthday. “

“I’m exhausted.”

Arriving back at The Community* mom was excited to show everyone her card/menu from The Red Lobster and tell them what she ate.  I showed mom that there were still a few cupcakes left.  I asked her if she wanted one, but she was too full.  However, mom wanted me give the rest to some of the residents so I did.  

As I left I said, “Mom, I hope you had a nice birthday.”

“I did.  I shared it with my family.”

Just then, two of mom’s close friends, Angie and Eleanor, surprised her by stopping by to wish her a Happy Birthday.  Mom asked me to open their cards and read them to her.  They also brought candy which mom said she would share with everyone at The Community.  After a few minutes, Mom saw the other residents being wheeled in to play Bingo.  It was almost 2PM.  Mom thanked them for coming, but said she had to go.  They graciously understood. They walked out with me. 

 

Although mom initially wanted us to ignore her birthday, she had two wonderful celebrations. I believe she loved every minute.