Truth or Consequences

Months ago when I researched dementia and its symptoms, one of the scariest symptoms to me was ‘confabulation’, that is, when I understood its meaning.  Confabulation is when a person believes he or she has done or experienced things that never happened or that something has occurred to them when it had not.  Mom has experienced this problem a few months ago, but this symptom seems to have reared its ugly head again.

When visiting mom on Monday, she was disoriented.    Mom kept repeating the same thing over and over, “Did . . .  you . . . hear?” I was trying to piece together what mom was trying to tell me by asking her questions.  Finally, mom was able to tell me that someone had made her cry.  When I asked why she cried, mom said they pushed her.  I told mom that I was sorry anyone made her cry, but I am glad she told us.

I asked Dana* over so she could listen to mom’s story, too.  Dana* said that mom had told her the same thing earlier that day.  From what we made out of mom’s attempts to express herself was that the person wanted mom to go back to bed and mom did not want to.  Mom said it was time for lunch.  I guessed that mom must have meant breakfast.   When we asked mom when this happened, mom said a few days ago.

We also understood mom to say, “They  . . .  so . . . rough”.

I responded, “Mom, I wish they were all gentle with you.  I know sometimes the person may be in hurry and they may be too rough.  I do not think they mean to be.” 

Dana* said she had spoken to mom’s nurse who reported mom’s statement to the head of nursing who immediately talked with mom.  The Community* takes these accusations seriously as I would hope they would.  But they also realize mom has severe dementia. 

I was terribly upset that someone might be mistreating mom, but I also understand that this issue may never have happened.  She may have dreamed this while she was sleeping or mom may have woken up in the middle of the night disoriented and tried to get out of bed like she has in the past thinking she is late for breakfast.  We will just never know.

I do know that the staff at The Community*  take their positions and responsibilities seriously.  I have seen them have the patience of Job in tough situations, but I also realize that they are only human.  The residents in mom’s section can be trying and I have often thought to myself that I am so glad they have patience because I am not sure I would.

As people age their skin gets extremely thin and their bones ache and even when we try to be gentle we can hurt them.  I know I am concerned not to squeeze mom too tight when I hug her.

The problem with dementia is that sometimes the person’s reality is a far cry from what actually happened. I did thank mom for telling me what she believes happened because I want her to not be afraid to tell me anything.  I hope mom's incident never occurred or was exaggerated in her mind.

 My goal is for mom to be treated with dignity and respect; what I believe everyone deserves.