Daughter's Eulogy

Sunday, June 30, 2013

A Love that Lasts a Lifetime

 
On Friday, I stopped at McDonalds to pick up mom’s favorite meal.  Nowadays mom’s ‘Happy Meal’ consists of a double cheeseburger and a fries.  Since mom likes us to share a meal together I also ordered a double cheeseburger for me so we can eat together.

When I arrived at The Community*, I found mom in her lunchroom speaking with Dana*.  Mom was in the process of telling Dana* about an event that took place last night with a ball.  I had not realized at the time that mom had repeated the story to Dana* several times already; although repeating stories is quite a common occurrence for mom.

As always, mom was happy to see me.  She started over with her story telling me about a ball that fell on her while she was in bed.  Mom has a hard time differentiating between reality and her dreams.

I mentioned to mom that I wanted to hear all about what happened.  Dana* noticing my McDonalds bag asked if she could help wheel mom to our semi-private family lunch room.  I graciously accepted her help as I also needed to bring mom’s water and cranberry juice.

On our way over to the lunchroom, mom never stopped talking about the ball and how scared she was.  I removed our food from the bag and set up mom’s lunch while trying to give mom the attention she deserved.

Although mom was having a hard time speaking today, I clearly understood that mom saw a huge ball falling from the sky onto her bed.  The ball was heavy and mom screamed for help.  When assistance came, they looked for the ball, but could not find the ball anywhere.  They tried to explain to mom that she must have had a bad dream.  Mom disagreed; she thought the ball was real.  I promised to check her room for a ball to make sure that she would never have that occur again.  She told me that they already checked and the ball was definitely gone.

After I unwrapped mom’s cheeseburger and put the fries on her tray.  Mom asked why I hadn’t gotten a double cheeseburger.   I assured her that we both had double cheeseburgers.  She looked at the cheeseburger and shook her head no.  I separated the bun and showed mom that there were two burgers under the bun.  She then nsaid, “Did you go to my McDonalds?”  Mom only believes the McDonalds by her condo where she used to live make the best double cheeseburgers.  She never wanted me to go anywhere else.  And changing mom’s mine at this day and age is not going to happen.

“Of course, mom, I know that is the best one.”  Agreeing with mom is always the easiest thing to do.  How funny that I just learned this lesson so late in life.  Our life together would have gone so much smoother if I was not so concerned in my younger years about being right.

Mom informed me that she was not hungry today.

“That’s Ok, mom, eat what you can.”

With every bite I took mom tried to keep up with me, so I slowed down so she would not choke.  And before she had time to give eating any more consideration mom had eaten her entire double cheeseburger, as well as, many of the fries.   Although she was able to eat by herself, mom is unable to hold a glass of water or cranberry juice without the drink spilling.  She will not even try to lift the cup any longer, so I assisted when she was thirsty.

During our meal, we were accompanied as usual with the lovely couple who eats in this room every breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Sam* is the kindest man and adoring husband.  His beautiful wife does not speak, nor have I ever seen any expression on her face.  I greet her each time I see her yet she just watches mom and me walk by. 

Sam* visits her three times a day to feed her.  He also brings beautiful music for them both to enjoy.  Today we listened to some old favorites of mom’s, Connie Francis’s song, ‘Where the boys are’. 
 
"Mom, do you remember Connie Francis singing this song?”

“I think so”, mom smiled.

“Connie was a pretty lady with short, dark black hair.  You and dad had her album.”

Mom smiled acknowledging that is how she remembered her.

The next song that came on was a Doris Day song and when the refrain came, I sang Que Sera Sera.

“Do you remember this song by Doris Day?”
 

Mom shook her head again and when the refrain came this time, we both sort of mouthed the words ‘Que Sera Sera’.  We both laughed.

Sam* heard us and he is always respectful of mom and me, He asked, “Are you enjoying the music?”

“Yes, mom and I love your music.” Then I said, “You are amazing; you are here for every meal?”

He said these words lovingly, “Let me tell you something:  Fifty-four years ago I promised my bride that I would be with her for better or worse and I plan to keep my promise.  My bride has been here for 8 years and I plan to be with her every day that I can.”

“You are pretty incredible.  Your wife is lucky to have you.”

He spoke up without hesitation, “Not at all, I am the lucky one.”  He walked towards his bride smiling with a deep affection most people could only dream about.  They make a beautiful couple.  No one knows when they say those words in marriage what they will truly do when the going gets tough, but I know I pray for the compassion that is needed to take care of my spouse should that ever happen.  Observing his love, gentleness, and devotion to her is something special to see and admire.

I asked mom if she would like to go outside for our stroll and as usual she agreed.  Friday was a windy day and although mom’s hair originally looked very nice when I arrived, her hair was blowing around her face while we were outside and she kept trying to pat it down.

On our way to the gazebo, we saw daisies in bloom. 
 
When we stopped at the gazebo, the one white butterfly that is there so often was there again today.

“Look, mom, there’s our butterfly.”

Mom loves butterflies and so do I.   For some reason, butterflies seem to make people feel good maybe because we seldom see one and even when we do the butterfly stays such a short time and flies away.

The breeze seemed cold today and a storm was eminent later that evening.  Mom was chilled so we did not stay outside long.  In fact, I tried to keep mom in the sun instead of under the gazebo. 

On the way back, mom looked at the wheat bushes and said, “You love these.”
 

“You’re right, mom, I love when the wind blows and they seem to float back and forth.  They seem so peaceful”.

Mom pointed to the mums around the building, “Look!”  We would often both try to show the other the new flowers in bloom.

“Their gorgeous, mom, we used to have something like that growing up.  Let’s go see them up close.”  I wheeled mom there and we both touched them and held them in our hands.
 

“Soft .  .  .  full,” mom said.

When Mom and I went back in The Community* the first thing I did was brush mom’s windblown hair.

“How does it look?”  Mom asked.

“You look beautiful.”  I snapped her photo and showed her.
 
I took mom to her floor and set mom up right next to her good friend, Darlene.*

“Windy,” mom told Darlene*

“Oh, yeah,” Darlene* answered. 

Mom hugged and kissed me.  Her squeezes seem tighter and tighter.  There are more hugs lately.  Mom said, “I love you, Julienne, with my whole heart.  I love all my kids.”

“Mom, there is no doubt in my mind that you love all your kids.”

“I pray for my enemies,” mom said.

“I’m sure that makes God happy.  We should all pray for our enemies.”

Mom wanted another hug and kiss and so did I.  We blew kisses and when I left I had no idea what laid ahead for us tomorrow.

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