Mom is with Our Lord Tonight

 

My brothers and I were able to send mom off to be with the Lord in a most beautiful and loving manner.  Mom's prayers were answered.  She is at peace.  God Bless and Keep You Close to Him.

 

In later days, I will continue the blog to update you on exactly what transpired.

A Love that Lasts a Lifetime

 

On Friday, I stopped at McDonalds to pick up mom’s favorite meal.  Nowadays mom’s ‘Happy Meal’ consists of a double cheeseburger and a fries.  Since mom likes us to share a meal together I also ordered a double cheeseburger for me so we can eat together.

When I arrived at The Community*, I found mom in her lunchroom speaking with Dana*.  Mom was in the process of telling Dana* about an event that took place last night with a ball.  I had not realized at the time that mom had repeated the story to Dana* several times already; although repeating stories is quite a common occurrence for mom.

As always, mom was happy to see me.  She started over with her story telling me about a ball that fell on her while she was in bed.  Mom has a hard time differentiating between reality and her dreams.

I mentioned to mom that I wanted to hear all about what happened.  Dana* noticing my McDonalds bag asked if she could help wheel mom to our semi-private family lunch room.  I graciously accepted her help as I also needed to bring mom’s water and cranberry juice.

On our way over to the lunchroom, mom never stopped talking about the ball and how scared she was.  I removed our food from the bag and set up mom’s lunch while trying to give mom the attention she deserved.

Although mom was having a hard time speaking today, I clearly understood that mom saw a huge ball falling from the sky onto her bed.  The ball was heavy and mom screamed for help.  When assistance came, they looked for the ball, but could not find the ball anywhere.  They tried to explain to mom that she must have had a bad dream.  Mom disagreed; she thought the ball was real.  I promised to check her room for a ball to make sure that she would never have that occur again.  She told me that they already checked and the ball was definitely gone.

After I unwrapped mom’s cheeseburger and put the fries on her tray.  Mom asked why I hadn’t gotten a double cheeseburger.   I assured her that we both had double cheeseburgers.  She looked at the cheeseburger and shook her head no.  I separated the bun and showed mom that there were two burgers under the bun.  She then nsaid, “Did you go to my McDonalds?”  Mom only believes the McDonalds by her condo where she used to live make the best double cheeseburgers.  She never wanted me to go anywhere else.  And changing mom’s mine at this day and age is not going to happen.

“Of course, mom, I know that is the best one.”  Agreeing with mom is always the easiest thing to do.  How funny that I just learned this lesson so late in life.  Our life together would have gone so much smoother if I was not so concerned in my younger years about being right.

Mom informed me that she was not hungry today.

“That’s Ok, mom, eat what you can.”

With every bite I took mom tried to keep up with me, so I slowed down so she would not choke.  And before she had time to give eating any more consideration mom had eaten her entire double cheeseburger, as well as, many of the fries.   Although she was able to eat by herself, mom is unable to hold a glass of water or cranberry juice without the drink spilling.  She will not even try to lift the cup any longer, so I assisted when she was thirsty.

During our meal, we were accompanied as usual with the lovely couple who eats in this room every breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Sam* is the kindest man and adoring husband.  His beautiful wife does not speak, nor have I ever seen any expression on her face.  I greet her each time I see her yet she just watches mom and me walk by. 

Sam* visits her three times a day to feed her.  He also brings beautiful music for them both to enjoy.  Today we listened to some old favorites of mom’s, Connie Francis’s song, ‘Where the boys are’. 

 

"Mom, do you remember Connie Francis singing this song?”

“I think so”, mom smiled.

“Connie was a pretty lady with short, dark black hair.  You and dad had her album.”

Mom smiled acknowledging that is how she remembered her.

The next song that came on was a Doris Day song and when the refrain came, I sang Que Sera Sera.

“Do you remember this song by Doris Day?”

 

Mom shook her head again and when the refrain came this time, we both sort of mouthed the words ‘Que Sera Sera’.  We both laughed.

Sam* heard us and he is always respectful of mom and me, He asked, “Are you enjoying the music?”

“Yes, mom and I love your music.” Then I said, “You are amazing; you are here for every meal?”

He said these words lovingly, “Let me tell you something:  Fifty-four years ago I promised my bride that I would be with her for better or worse and I plan to keep my promise.  My bride has been here for 8 years and I plan to be with her every day that I can.”

“You are pretty incredible.  Your wife is lucky to have you.”

He spoke up without hesitation, “Not at all, I am the lucky one.”  He walked towards his bride smiling with a deep affection most people could only dream about.  They make a beautiful couple.  No one knows when they say those words in marriage what they will truly do when the going gets tough, but I know I pray for the compassion that is needed to take care of my spouse should that ever happen.  Observing his love, gentleness, and devotion to her is something special to see and admire.

I asked mom if she would like to go outside for our stroll and as usual she agreed.  Friday was a windy day and although mom’s hair originally looked very nice when I arrived, her hair was blowing around her face while we were outside and she kept trying to pat it down.

On our way to the gazebo, we saw daisies in bloom. 

 

When we stopped at the gazebo, the one white butterfly that is there so often was there again today.

“Look, mom, there’s our butterfly.”

Mom loves butterflies and so do I.   For some reason, butterflies seem to make people feel good maybe because we seldom see one and even when we do the butterfly stays such a short time and flies away.

The breeze seemed cold today and a storm was eminent later that evening.  Mom was chilled so we did not stay outside long.  In fact, I tried to keep mom in the sun instead of under the gazebo. 

On the way back, mom looked at the wheat bushes and said, “You love these.”

 

“You’re right, mom, I love when the wind blows and they seem to float back and forth.  They seem so peaceful”.

Mom pointed to the mums around the building, “Look!”  We would often both try to show the other the new flowers in bloom.

“Their gorgeous, mom, we used to have something like that growing up.  Let’s go see them up close.”  I wheeled mom there and we both touched them and held them in our hands.

 

“Soft .  .  .  full,” mom said.

When Mom and I went back in The Community* the first thing I did was brush mom’s windblown hair.

“How does it look?”  Mom asked.

“You look beautiful.”  I snapped her photo and showed her.

 

I took mom to her floor and set mom up right next to her good friend, Darlene.*

“Windy,” mom told Darlene*

“Oh, yeah,” Darlene* answered. 

Mom hugged and kissed me.  Her squeezes seem tighter and tighter.  There are more hugs lately.  Mom said, “I love you, Julienne, with my whole heart.  I love all my kids.”

“Mom, there is no doubt in my mind that you love all your kids.”

“I pray for my enemies,” mom said.

“I’m sure that makes God happy.  We should all pray for our enemies.”

Mom wanted another hug and kiss and so did I.  We blew kisses and when I left I had no idea what laid ahead for us tomorrow.

A Change in Spirit

 

 

Monday started out great. Ron and I left at 7:30am to meet with Stephanie, Make A Wish CEO, to drop off $2000 check from Mom Lentz’s MAW Fundraiser held at Shorewood Glen.   We took a tour of Make A Wish’s new offices and then worked on information and permissions for Our Make A Wish book, Opened Our Hearts.

Once we left MAW, Ron and I headed to his knee surgeon for Ron’s first visit back since his total knee replacement surgery. Ron received excellent news. His knee is progressing nicely. And the future is bright:  Ron will be able to ski, bicycle, and most important play basketball after he is done with physical therapy.

 

 

On our way home I asked Ron if he had a few minutes to see mom. Of course, Ron agreed.

I guess I expected to find mom in good spirits. However today the saying Expect the unexpected was true.

We found mom just finishing eating in the lunch room. She originally saw just me and said, “Oh, Julienne  . . .  I thought it was   . . .  ‘IT’  . . .  last night.”

Trying to cheer mom up and delay the inevitable conversation I said, “Guess who’s here?”

Mom looked up and saw Ron behind me. She smiled, “Ron.”

Ron hugged and kissed mom. She was happy to see him.

I wheeled mom to her room so we could all sit and talk for a few minutes while I straightened and organized her closet. Ron sat on mom’s bed and I parked mom right by him. She complained constantly about wanting to leave. I am not sure what switch turned on or off in her brain right now, but she could not stop talking about wanting to die now.   At one point mom turned to Ron and said, “Tell my daughter what ‘IT’ is!!!

Ron commented, “Your daughter knows what you mean.   She is trying to take your mind off that subject.”

“I don’t want to stay!  I want to go!!!!”  Mom said with conviction.

My answer was “God will take you when He is ready. He will not forget you, Mom.”

Mom kept saying, “They are doing things to keep me here.”

I would keep responding that “I promise you, mom, we are not doing anything to prolong your stay. Be patient with God. ”

Ironically even with mom’s mental state, mom looked great.

“Mom, can I take a photo of you and Ron since this is his first visit to see you after his surgery?”  Mom shook her head smiling.

Ron said, “Your daughter loves taking photos of everything and everyone.”

Mom responded, “I know she does.”

Ron started to kneel on the floor by mom while I told him not too. I could have taken a beautiful shot without him kneeling. Ron knelt anyway saying, “Look I can kneel just fine.”

 

 

 

Anyone who’s married knows there is no sense disagreeing. And sure enough Ron could kneel. The photo came out adorable. I showed them both their photo.

Mom’s smile only lasted as long as the time for me to take and see their photo.

As soon as Ron stood up, he said, “Mom, we have to leave I have a conference call I have to take in a few minutes.”

“Ok, Ron, pray for me,” mom stated.

“Yes, mom, we do pray for you.” Ron hugged and kissed mom. Then he darted off towards the car while I wheeled mom back to the nurses’ station where I parked her near Darlene*.

“Thanks for coming with Ron. Now I want to go. Pray for me.”

“Mom, I promise God will come for you. I will pray for Him to comfort you.” We hugged, kissed and she told me she loved me. Even in mom’s condition she still blew me kisses. Mom needs prayers right now . . . Prayers for peace and to accept God’s will.

 

Hard to Top This Day

 

Growing up one of my favorite lunches was mom’s Italian Tuna Salad.  What made the tuna salad was that her first ingredient was an Italian brand of tuna called Genova which is packed in olive oil.  She added celery, carrots, oranges, tomatoes, black olives, pepper and balsamic vinegar.  We ate the Italian tuna salad with crispy Marconi Italian bread.  The best was when mom had just made her homemade Italian bread.

 

On Wednesday, I decided to make the salad and bring enough to share with mom.  I changed the recipe slightly by eliminating the oranges and tomatoes because those food items do not agree with us anymore.



I put the salads in individual Tupperware containers with dividers that converter into our dishes.  I added some sliced Italian bread and Bing cherries another favorite of mom and me.  I set our table up so mom’s back would be in the sun.

“Tuna salad is delicious,” mom said.

“I agree; I have not made this in a long time because Ron does not like tuna salad this way.”

“Why not?”

“He’s not Italian.”

Mom seemed to accept that answer. 

Dana* came to sit with us while we ate.  Mom enjoyed every last morsel.  We all discussed how much better mom was doing today.   

While Dana* took mom to the restroom, I went to the lunch room to see what they were having for dessert.  Today was Strawberries with angel food cake.  I knew mom would enjoy the dessert so I brought her a piece.

Mom said, “Dana’s*  . . . the best.”

“We definitely appreciate all she does for you, mom.”

“She knows I love her,” mom said smiling at Dana*

“I love you too Gilda,” with that Dana* stood up and said, “I will see you later.”

I always feel good to see the beautiful relationship between them. 

Mom really enjoyed the strawberry shortcake, “Everything was delicious.”

“I am glad, mom.  I enjoyed our luncheon as well.” 

A few minutes after mom finished eating her dessert, the hospice chaplain, Rosalee*, saw us sitting at the table and joined us.

“Miss Gilda, you are looking so happy spending time with your daughter.”

Mom explained about our special luncheon.

 “Sounds delicious, Gilda.”

“It was,” mom commented.

“I can see that you’ve eaten every bit.  Your daughter is so good to you.”

“Yes, she is.”

I excused myself and left mom and Rosalee* together while I cleared our dishes and brought the silverware and glasses back to the lunch room.  As I did, I heard Rosalee* say, “Miss Gilda, I know you love to pray.  How about if we pray together?”

By that time I was too far away from them to hear mom’s response.  I was comforted that she and mom were praying together.  Rosalee* is one of mom’s really good friends.  Mom loves her visits because she always makes her feel special.

When I joined them back at the table, Rosalee* said, “Your mom wanted to wait for you to pray.  Mom said that you enjoy praying as much as she does.”

I turned to mom, “That was so nice mom.  And you are right I love to pray with mom.”

We all held hands and Rosalee* began praying in a way that seems like a gift.  Her words seemed to flow so beautifully as if she was just talking to God and I guess that’s really what she was doing.  After Rosalee* finished mom said, “Now . . . you.”

“Would you like for me to say our prayer ‘Mom is the Light’?”

Mom shook her head.  I said the pray; mom and Rosalee* repeated each phrase after me.

Mom and I left shortly thereafter to go for a walk even though today was a cloudy day.  Mom loves the stroll and sitting by the fishing pond enjoying the flowers.  While we sat there I mentioned that John and Carme were going to come and visit her on Saturday with me.  She very much enjoys their company and was looking forward to seeing them.

Then mom spotted a butterfly.  We stayed until the butterfly flew away.

 



This day seemed to end perfect.  Mom had such a beautiful smile on her face when I left and why shouldn’t she.  Mom had enjoyed Italian tuna fish, Bing cherries, strawberry shortcake and our wonderful stroll with a butterfly viewing, in addition, we spent some quality time with Dana* and Rosalee*.

Could be a Mini-Series

 

Last Thursday, Ron went to visit mom.  She was so happy to see him.  “I’ve been praying for your surgery.”

“Thanks, mom, I’ll be OK.”

“I know you’re busy; you didn’t have to come. Did Julienne make you?”

“Mom, I wanted to see you.  Julienne doesn’t have to ask me to come and see you; I like visiting you.  I did not want you to worry about me tomorrow.”

“I’m glad you came.”

Ron stayed with mom for awhile, but as he went to leave mom gave him the tightest hug and kissed Ron.  He said she kept telling him one more hug.

Ron said, “Mom, my surgery is at 11AM tomorrow so if you remember would you say a prayer?”

Mom came back quickly with, “Ron I have been praying for you already.  I will pray today, tonight, and all day tomorrow.”

“Then I know I’ll be A-OK with all your prayers.”

 

 

The next day Ron had total knee replacement surgery.  Within 3 hours after surgery, Ron was not only standing up, walking but also climbing 15 stairs.  I videotaped the entire event in amazement.  I have to say Ron and I believe in the ‘Power of Prayer’, but that was incredible.

Ron was able to leave the hospital shortly thereafter.  However the first week after Ron’s surgery due to being on heavy prescribed narcotics, he needed a full-time nurse(aka: me).  Thankfully God never gives more than you can handle or so I am told.  I was glad mom was well aware that Ron needed extra care this week.

 

 

Although mom does not talk on the phone, on Monday I received a call from Dana*.  She told me that mom wanted her to call me to see how Ron was doing.  I told her to tell mom that her prayers worked and that Ron was doing very well.  I also told Dana* to let mom know that I would be there tomorrow.

When I hung up, I felt so good that mom not only remembered that Ron was having surgery but that she was caring about how Ron was feeling.  In the past few months, I have noticed that mom cares more about her family than about her illness.   For quite awhile with her illness she only cared about herself.  Her tenderness now is a welcome blessing.

On Tuesday when I visited mom, she immediately asked how Ron was feeling.  I took out my camera and showed her a photo of him.

“Mom, look at how good Ron looks.  See the t-shirt Ron wore that day.”

 

“What does it say?”

“Life is Good". 

Mom smiled, “Does he have pain?”

“He’s on pain medication to take care of his pain.  The medication makes him sleep a great deal.”

Mom loves to go outside for a stroll so whenever I visit I take her out and today was no different.  The weather was in the 70s and the wind had shifted due to an imminent storm later that day.   As we went onto the elevator a flyer caught my eye and I said, “Mom can you read that flyer?”

 

She studied it and said, “Flag Day  . . .  Friday  . . .  June 14, 2013.”

“What happens on Flag Day?”

“Julienne, it’s your birthday!”

“Hey, Hey, mom, you are right!!!!   You remembered.”

“You thought I forgot.”

“Mom, you have not remembered my birthday in years.  You are doing great.” In my heart, I was singing Oh Happy Day!

 

“Are you having a party?”

“No, how about if I come back Friday to celebrate with you?”

“What about Ron?”

“He is not able to come here that soon.”

“OK.”

The weather outside was really windy.   In fact as I wheeled mom towards the gazebo, we passed other people heading to the entrance of The Community*.  One of them said, “Don’t go far a storm is brewing.”  Her statement reminded me of one of the opening scenes in The Wizard of Oz.

“Mom, are you cold?  Do you want to go back in?”

“No, let’s go to the fishing pond.”

With that I continued on, if mom was comfortable being outside in this weather so was I.  We passed many flowering bushes, but unfortunately the beautiful peonies we had gazed at on our last visit were at the tail end of their duration.   They were discolored and limp.  Mom said, “They look bad.”

“You’re right, mom.  The rose bushes still look gorgeous.”

We sat by mom’s fishing pond for a short while and then headed back.  As I brought mom back into The Community* mom's hair was disshoveled from the strong wind blowing her hair.  I pulled out my hair brush before bringing her back upstairs.  She said, "Are we taking pictures?"

"No, mom, your hair was wind blown from outside." 

Just then Sam* passed by, he is a long time friend of mom's since she used to live at The Community's* Supportive Living Facility.  Sam* said, "Hello, Gilda, my friend.  How are you today?"

Mom answered, "Fair  .  .  .  How about a picture?"

Sam* was startled, "Me?"

"Sam, mom has photos of all her favorite people and she does not have one of you."  With that I took a photo of Sam* and mom.

 

When I parked mom in her wheelchair next to her friend, Darlene*, I said, “Mom, I will be back sometime Friday.”

“Today’s Tuesday.”

“Right, I will see you on Flag Day.”

“If you’re busy taking care of Ron I understand.”

“Mom, I can make time for you both.  See you Friday.”

To this day after our hugs and kisses, our visits are not complete without mom and I blowing kisses to each other as I leave.  She loves this part of our visit and so do I. 

 

Flag Day was here. After making Ron breakfast, getting him situated with proper meds and a loaded ice machine, I left to see mom. 

What I found stunned and surprised me.  As I stepped off the elevator and walked down the hallway, I saw mom moving her wheelchair towards her room and then all of a sudden her head dropped. As I kept walking towards her I noticed after 20 seconds mom’s head raised again and she was starting to move again.  Then 10 seconds later her head dropped again.  By that time I reached her, for those seconds when her head dropped she was out and as her head lay down for a few seconds she would jerk and almost as though she was started her head would bob up again.

“Mom, where are you going?”

“Bed  . . .  tired,” mom struggled to even get those words out.

Little did I know that for the next 2 hours, every 20 seconds mom’s eyes would close and her head would drop to her chest, then shortly thereafter she would abruptly wake up.  This patterned never stopped our entire visit. 

“Why are you so tired, mom?”

“Last night  . . .  no sleep.  Dreamt  . . . dying.”

“Tell me about your dream.  What do you remember?”  Each sentence had to be repeated several times due to mom dozing off.

“Saw  . . . little girl,” mom commented.

“Who was the little girl?”

“Not sure.”

“Was she by herself?”

“Not  . . .  sure  .  .  . just  . . .  saw  . . . face.”

“Anything else you remember?”

“My head   . . . hurt.”

“Does your head hurt now?”

“No  .  .  . this morning.  Nodded off.  “Behind ear” mom pointed to her left ear.  “Hurt   .  .  .   three spots!  Nodded off.  Mom put her hand on her head, “On top  . . . head.”

“Mom, the top of your head hurt, as well as, behind your ears at the same time?’

Mom shook her head as if to affirm what I just said.

I immediately went to talk with Billy* her nurse to find out what was going on with mom.  Billy* said that mom had never mentioned anything to her.  She asked mom, “Do you have a headache now?”

“No,” mom said.

“You’ve got to tell me when you have a headache.  I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.

“Mom, when you don’t feel good please tell Billy* so she can give you medication to make the pain go away.”

Mom acknowledged that she understood.

I asked Billy*mom’s nurse why mom keeping nodding off every few seconds; she had no explanation.  She indicated there was no medication change.

When I posed the question if Billy* thought my mom could be having a TIA due to her recent headaches and her continually dozing off, she said no.  I asked if we could give mom aspirin anyway.  Upon that question, she proceeded to tell me that since mom had a headache the proper medicine was Tylenol.  Billy* went to her medicine drawer.  She put the Tylenol in a small cup and with a spoon fed the pill to mom; then held a cup with water and a straw for mom to wash the pill down.  I thanked Billy* for responding to mom’s needs quickly.  She told me she would keep a close eye on her to see if the headache returns.

 “Cold, Julienne,” mom shivered.  She was wearing a lilac sweater over her top with long pants, yet she still had the chills.

“Mom would you like to go outside and sit in the sun to warm up?”

Mom shook her head to agree before nodding off again. 

“Billy*, may I take mom outside in her present condition?”

She gave me a firm, “Oh, yes, of course.”

Mom likes to feel somewhat in control so mom does not want the footrests on her wheelchair so mom can move around by herself.   Normally pushing mom’s wheelchair takes little effort on my part as mom raises her feet and we move along nicely to our designated spot.  Pushing mom’s wheelchair today was anything but easy due to mom’s feet falling onto the ground every time she dozed off so getting outside seemed like mission impossible.  I wheeled her slowly and carefully so I would not hurt her feet.

Once we reached the outdoors, I parked mom in the sunshine and let mom sleep and soak up the sunshine.    Mom continued to wake up briefly and each time as if like ‘Groundhog Day’ mom would say, “feels good”. Then her eyes would close and she would be momentarily out again.

Several people passed us and smiled:  many commenting that mom sure seemed to be enjoying the sunshine on her face.  Some thought she looked at peace. 

At one point, I asked one of the passersby if she would take a photo of mom and me.  I told her today was my birthday and I would love to have a photo with mom to remember the day.  The woman commented, “My daughter is better with taking photos and she is right behind me.  I’ll have her take the photo.”

Sure enough her teenage daughter was only too happy to accommodate me and afterwards said, “Your mother is quite beautiful.”  I found those words unusual coming from a teenager girl, but pleasantly so.

 

Without hesitation I said, “She sure is!”  

Mom and I sat out there until lunch time when I walked her back in.  Since mom could barely hold her head up, I thought I should stay and help her to eat her lunch.  I have assisted mom in eating many times in the past when she had some not so good days, but today was unlike any time before.  As I would feed mom a spoonful of food, she would close her eyes and down her head would fall without chewing.  I would have to coach her to stay awake, “Mom, wake up! chew your food!”  After a few attempts at trying to feed her mashed potatoes or tilapia, I told her we are going to settle for chicken broth so that I could make sure she wouldn’t choke.

Before I left I told mom. “Today is a special birthday because I turned 58 and you are 85.  Our numbers are reversed.  I think this means this year is going to be a special one.”

“I hope   .   .   . good   .  .   .  for you!”

“Good for us, mom.”

“Wish you  .  .  many  .  .  .  many  .  .  . more,” mom struggled to get all that out.

“Thanks, mom.  I’m glad I spent part of my birthday with you.”

Mom smiled, “You make  .  .  .  over me.”

“I’m your daughter.  I love you very much.”

“With all my heart, Julienne”,  mom hugged and kissed me.

“I know, mom, I really know!