The Gift

 

When I left mom a few days ago after the fiasco luncheon attempt to please mom, I asked her if she would like me to bring an Italian beef or a cheeseburger the next time I visited.  She said, “OK, let’s try  . . . beef.”

Today I stopped by Portillo’s before heading to mom. I bought her a Italian beef with juice and hot peppers on the side, fries, and a root beer.  So on my way to mom’s lunch room, I passed Toni* who was wheeling another resident towards the lunch room.  Toni said, “Your mom is really excited about lunch today.  I just told her we are having chicken her favorite meal.”  Just then Toni* looked down at my Portillo’s bag.   “Oh you brought your mom lunch.  I’m sure she will love the beef sandwich.  Everyone loves Portillo’s.”

“Bummer, Toni*, I do not think mom is going to want my beef sandwich.”

As I walk into the lunch room mom’s chair has her back towards the door, I put my hand on her shoulder mom turned toward me, “Julienne, so glad you’re here.”

“Mom, I just heard you are having chicken for lunch.  Look what I brought you . . . an Italian beef.”

“Oh, Julienne,    . . . mom sighed.  “What should . . . I eat?”

“Whatever you want, mom, you choose.  I was going to split the sandwich with you.”

Just then Toni* came over and suggested I could take mom over to the family lunch room on the same floor.  Toni* said she would bring mom’s chicken dinner over when she had mom’s plate ready.  She suggested that mom have some of each.

Mom and I went to the private lunch room.  We were not alone; there was one other resident in here with her husband.  Although his wife has no verbal communication with him at all, I am told that the husband comes there every day to feed his wife lunch.  Although no conversation occurred, his care and tenderness with his wife was genuine.

As we sat down, he walked over to the radio and turned on some beautiful music. He smiled at mom and said, “You two look like you might be related.”

Mom laughed, “Oh yeah, she’s  . . . daughter.”

“Really, I would have never guessed that.  I thought you were sisters.”

 

Mom laughed again, “Did we  . . .  take your table?”

“No, we are sitting at the table right next to you.”  He sat and pulled his chair close to his wife to feed her.

I set our table up with plates and opened the bag of Portillo’s.  Mom saw the French fries and started eating them.  She saw all the little containers as I took them out of the bag.  “Julienne, what’s all this?’

“Mom, I had them make the Italian beef just the way you like it.  I asked them for au jus and hot peppers on the side.”

“You did too much work!”

“Mom, I did not do any work.  I just picked up lunch for us.”

  “Julienne, don’t do it again!”  Somehow when mom becomes angry with me she can say full clear sentences.

When I unwrapped the beef sandwich mom said, “Cut me . . . small piece.”

“Would you like au jus and hot peppers on them?”

“Yes.”

I watched as Mom picked up the small beef sandwich and fed herself.  I always let her try herself and help her only when I see she needs assistance.  Although her hands were shaking she was enjoying eating her beef sandwich on her own.  When she finished, I asked her if she wanted more, but she informed me she had a chicken dinner coming.

 

When her dinner arrived, she ate the wing and the chicken breast.  And then told me she was full.  I was not surprised.

Mom and I had several conversations while we ate.  Some situations that she tried to explain I never understood and after a while she gave up trying to talk about them.  All in all, we had a wonderful luncheon.

As I was leaving, the man who was helping to feed his wife at the next table stopped me.  I had goose bumps as he spoke to me, “Let me tell you that I am a psychologist.   I work with aging seniors (mind you he is an aging senior).  You have a gift.  I was not ease dropping, but I heard you talking with your mother and you have calmness about you.  No matter how frustrated she became trying to tell you things, you listened and tried to comfort her.  Believe me I can recognize the gift.”

I thanked him for his kind words and said, “I love my mom with all my heart”.

He said, “I can tell and I can also tell she loves you, too.”

When I left mom today, as always I hugged, kissed and told her I loved her and before we blew each other kisses mom smiled and said, “always and always, Julienne.”

“Always and always, mom.”