Dizzy and Delirious

 

Last Friday, my time with mom was disturbing.  I found mom initially relaxing with her eyes closed listening to soft beautiful music with the other residents in the activity room.  When I gently touched mom’s shoulder she slowly raised her head up.

Mom had a troubled look on her face, “Did they call you?”

“No, mom, I just came to spend time with you.  Are you not feeling well?”

“I was dizzy . . . I said . . . call my daughter!”

“Did you fall?”

“No . . . no . . . dizzy.  Earlier doctor . . . my room . . . said . . .  would come back.  Never did!’

I wheeled mom to her nurses’ station and spoke with Billy*.  She told me that mom is not making any sense today.  There was no doctor.  Mom never told anyone she was dizzy. 

Just then I saw Dana*.  I explained to her what mom was saying.  She spoke with mom too.  It was very difficult trying to understand mom today.  ‘Why didn’t you tell me this, Gilda, when I saw you earlier?”

“Didn’t tell. . .  you  . . .  purpose. Didn’t want  . . . you . . . to worry.”

“Gilda, you can tell me anything?” Dana* said.

Mom said, “They don’t  . . . want me to tell you.”

“Who doesn’t want you to tell us?”

“Julienne, Julienne . . . they don’t want you to know.  I’m delirious.”

“You are not delirious, mom.  Who doesn’t want me to know?”

Mom got angrier, “I should . . . . shut . . . my . . .  mouth.  Lock me  . . . in closet . . . throw away  . . . key.”

“Mom, we are trying to help you, but we are trying to understand all the details.”

“Put me . . .  casket!”

“Mom, I am so confused.  Why are you getting so mad?”

Mom raised her voice, “Forget it . . .  Julienne . . . not talking.  Need to order . . . food. Go home.”

When mom was saying all this Dana*, and Antoinette* were both trying to help and understand what mom was trying to tell us.

Antoinette* said, “Your mom is getting angrier the more we talk with her.  I think I should take her to the lunch room.”

With Antoinette’s* comment mom said, “Yes  . . . right.”  Mom looked at me and once again said, “Go home NOW!”

I said, “OK, mom, I’m leaving.  I love you.”

Mom looked at me and said sharply, “Yes, I love you.  Go home.”

This visit with mom was ugly.  Mom seems to be becoming more paranoid and delusional at times.   What was causing mom so much frustration to change her personality so much?  I could hardly recognize her.  Unfortunately, the beast's name is Dementia.  I have to learn how to tame the beast for mom and my sake or at least learn to cope.