My intuition told me that I had to go to see mom
right now. I jumped in the shower, ate breakfast, and headed off for mom. Ron asked if I wanted him to join me. I assured him that I wanted some quality time
with mom, but I promised to text him on her state.
Upon entering her room, mom appeared quite similar
to how I had first seen her yesterday however a little restless. Mom also had a slight temperature. I was told these were next stages for mom and
to be expected. I sent a text to Ron and my
brothers with an update on mom.
I spoke with Billy* who told me that they would be
putting a Scopolamine patch on moms chest. This medication helps with the
secretions and the death rattle that so often accompanies a person prior to
their passing. In a healthy person a doctor
may prescribe them to help relieve motion sickness or nausea. Everything we were doing for mom was for her
comfort.
While sitting and holding mom’s hand, she mumbled
occasionally with her eyes closed. I
just kept talking and letting her know how much she is loved. I spoke about heaven and all our relatives
who she will see after all these years.
Billy* kept giving mom a tiny sponge that she had
dipped in thickened water to wet mom’s lips.
The thickened water and thickened cranberry juice was all they had given
mom in the last two days. If the water
or juice was served to mom in their normal state, they would cause mom to choke
and possibly be the cause of her passing.
We were allowed to dip the sponge and give to mom when she looked like
she wanted something to drink.
Jamie had called my Aunt Jay and my Godmother
Marlene and informed them about mom’s condition. They must have been guided by God to visit
mom as they wasted no time; they came to the hospital around 11am that morning.
Aunt Jay and Marlene both held mom’s hands. They
could not believe how quickly mom had turned for the worse. I had just recently seen both of them and
spoke about how well mom was doing because at that time she was. I told them the events of the last two days.
Aunt Jay asked mom if she knew she was there would
she squeeze her hand. Mom’s response was
immediate; she squeezed Aunt Jay’s hand. They both told mom that they loved
her. I could tell that mom was mumbling
deep down inside herself trying to say out loud that she loved them too.
Around 12noon Jamie and Tracy walked in, we were
still all around mom’s bedside talking with her. Shortly thereafter Aunt Jay
and Marlene left.
Prior to my leaving, I said to mom, “I am going to
give you some quality time with Jamie and Tracy now. I will see you later. I love you with my whole heart and soul.” Mom
mumbled with her eyes closed. I imagined
she was telling me the same thing.
With that, I walked to my car and sat and
cried. I knew our days were numbered,
but I had no idea what number today was.
I remembered how just two days ago mom and I were
eating double cheeseburgers together. I
remember our beautiful walk to our pond and gazebo. My eyes flooded with tears as I remembered
mom blowing me the last kisses I will ever receive from her that day. Surely those past days will only be a faint
memory someday.
The phone rang while I withered in my sorrow. Ron was calling to check up on mom. He could tell I was crying. He asked me not to drive until I could
control my tears. I promised I would
wait.
When I came home, I began blogging about last
Friday with mom. I did not want to
forget any detail. Later that afternoon,
Ron started barbecuing steaks for dinner.
I told him before we sat down for dinner and started to watch TV I
wanted to check in with mom’s nurse.
At 5:30pm on Sunday their switchboard is closed,
but I had the direct line to the nurses’ station on mom floor and section. I asked for the nurse who was in charge of
Gilda Mascitti.
Kris* came to the phone; I had never spoken to her
before.
“Hi, Kris*, I’m Julienne, Gilda Mascitti’s
daughter. I am calling to see how my mom
is doing tonight.”
Her response was so matter of fact, “Your mother
is actively dying.”
No sound followed---no words, I was spellbound. I had a huge lump in my throat that left me
immediately without my voice.
Kris* spoke up, “Are you there?”
I caught my breath and took a deep swallow, “What
do you mean exactly?”
Kris’s* voice sounded strange and confused, “I
thought you knew that your mother is dying?”
“Kris, we were told yesterday that mom had a week
to 10 days.”
“Her doctor has just examined her. He used to be a
hospice doctor. He claims she has 48
hours or less. We have no idea if she
will even make it through the night.”
“May I come and stay with her through the night?”
“Of course, you are welcome to stay as long as you
want. Our doors may be locked when you get here, but just call this number and
someone will let you in.”
“I am leaving immediately; I will be right over.”
When I hung up the phone, Ron had dinner
ready. “Honey, Kris*, mom’s nurse just told
me that mom is actively dying. She may
not live through tonight.”
Ron coaxed me to eat a few bites prior to leaving;
however when I tried to eat I wasn’t hungry any longer.
“Honey, my stomach is too upset to eat. Please let me go and spend mom’s last days
with her.” Ron asked if I wanted him to
join me. I said no that I would contact
my brothers on my way. Ron asked me to
keep him updated.
I was of course breaking a promise to Ron as I was
driving and crying. I drove carefully but called both of my brothers. I first contacted Jamie who was there just a
few hours earlier. I am sure Jamie found
my comments hard to believe that mom’s condition had changed so much that she
could die this evening. I said I was
telling him what Kris* told me. I would certainly
contact him when I was in mom’s company to give him an update of mom.
Next I contacted Jerome, Debbie answered the
phone. Through my tears I shared my conversation with mom’s nurse and the doctor’s
comments with her. She said she would
let Jerome know. I also mentioned that I was
by myself and planning to stay there.
When I pulled up to The Community*, there was no
problem with finding parking at this time of night. When I went to the door, someone saw me and
let me in. The reception area was closed
and a sliding wall was down over the area. The
person who let me in disappeared. The
first floor seemed empty everywhere I looked.
Some of the lights were off as they have minimal lights on during off
hours.
I raced up to mom’s room. Mom looked exhausted. Her breath intakes and exhales were labored,
irregular, and raggedy. She was extremely restless. She had so much congestion that they now had
even a suction machine ready for her as she needed help. Kris* was in the room working with mom
suctioning her. She had just put another
Scopolamine patch on her.
No sooner I was talking to the nurse when Jerome
walked in. I was so happy to see
him. He asked what happened to make
things change so rapidly. Kris answered,
“No one knows.”
I asked if
mom’s doctor was still there. She
informed me that he was at the nurses’ station.
I left to talk to him.
“Mom and I had wonderful day on Friday. She ate a whole double cheeseburger. Do you know what happened to my mom over
night on Friday or Saturday morning to her present state?”
“I am just making an educated guess, but I believe
she had one of three things: a stroke, a pulmonary embolism or a cardiac
problem.
“How did you find her initially?” Mom’s doctor
questioned.
“She was completely in coherent; her face was
distorted; her left side seemed to be immobile; her eyes would not open”
“My first guess would be a stroke by what you are
telling me. Your mom’s stages of death are
moving rapidly. Would you like me to go
see her again and I will talk to you about her there?” “Yes, please.”
After seeing mom again, the doctor said, “I have
instructed the nurse to put the Scopolamine patches on her to help with that
sound you hear which is called a death-rattle due to excessive secretions which
create loud, gurling inhalations and exhalations. I will instruct the nurse to
put on two more patches which will make four.
This will be easier on your mom and your family. When you see she is
restless or making faces, your mom is telling us she is in pain. Let the nurse
know, we can give her with more morphine to make her more comfortable. ”
I assured the doctor that we would.
I texted Jamie that mom is much worse than I could
ever have imagined. I also let him know that Jerome was there with me.
Jerome and I held mom’s hands and spoke softly to
her. We both expressed our love. We
talked about all sorts of things.
I continually squeezed her hand, but I could feel
the change in her hands from earlier that day. They were a bluish/purplish
color. I knew that her death was
eminent. I commented, “I do not think mom
will survive tonight.”
Jerome said, “What makes you think so?”
“She is going through a stage that dad went
through at the end. She seems to be
between two worlds. I believe she is
trying to leave this one. ”
Mom continued to make faces. Secretions through the nose and mouth were
happening more frequently. I texted
Jamie once more: Mom’s in pain we keep giving her more morphine. Just then the phone rang, Jamie spoke, “I am
leaving. I am on my way.”
I was so relieved and thankful that he would be
here soon. “Drive careful!” I insisted.
During the next half hour we almost lost mom, she
seemed to be getting worse by the minute.
“Mom, don’t leave us yet. Jamie
is on the way. I know you want him to be
here to say goodbye. Please wait for
him.”
Mom’s body trembled like she understood and knowing
mom if she could have asked for more time from God to be with all her children
before she died I know mom sent the request immediately because she seemed to
settle down and her dying process seemed to slow down after she knew Jamie was
on the way.
When Jamie walked in, I gave up my chair for him
and sat on the bed again with my hands rubbing mom’s legs. Jamie had a chance to be with her for a good
period of time. Mom’s hands started
getting cold. The nurse said she had
called hospice and that someone would be coming over. The nurse told us to let her know if we or
mom needed anything. I just knew that
there was not anything else she could do for mom. Both she and the doctor had done everything
humanly possible.
“Mom, you are in God’s hands. I can feel Him coming for you. I think your prayers are being answered It is OK to leave us now. We will all make
you proud of us. Walk towards the Light
mom. I am sure dad and your mother and
father will be there. We love you so very much.
Both Jamie and Jerome were saying, “Mom, you did
good. We’re letting you go.”
I said, “She is leaving us right now. I can feel her leaving.”
We all chimed in, “Goodbye mom, we love you.”
Jerome said, “How can you tell?”
“She’s shaking and her body is giving up.” With that mom opened her eyes for the first
time that night so wide and then shut them fast and she was gone.
“Mom is gone.”I proclaimed.
“But her eyes just opened.”
“She has definitely passed. Mom is gone. Feel her face. Check her pulse. I know what death looks and feels like.”
They did.
Indeed, mom was gone.
We all kept talking with mom as if she was still
there. We told her we will miss her. We talked about how at peace she must be now. No more sickness. No more trouble breathing just a future life in heaven with her family
and friends.
As the nurse walked into the room she was unaware of what
had recently transpired she said, “Does your mom need anything?”
“Mom died awhile ago. We are just sitting here loving her and
talking to her.”
I think Kris was shocked that we did not panic,
run out and call her. The truth is that we faced death
before when dad died and we did not want to leave mom’s side for anything. We were all holding her and talking to her, Mom
would not have wanted the nurse trying to tell us stage by stage what was happening. We knew. The 'Joys of Her Life' (as mom called us) were helping her
through the most important stage of her life.
We all called our spouses and told them of mom’s
passing. When I spoke to Ron, he said our
dogs knew mom had passed. Baci and Porsha who are now 11 years old were
upstairs in the bedroom with him. They
are normally exhausted at this time of day and sleeping. However at 10:15pm they started barking and
howling like something was wrong. Ron
tried to settle them down. The dogs kept wandering around like something or someone else was there. They kept up
so he snapped their photo and sent their photo to me to say look what our pups
are doing. Ron told me to look at the
time he texted the photo to me. Sure enough the time was shortly after mom had
passed. Maybe she stopped by my house on
her way out to say Goodbye to them.
Maybe dogs just have a sense about these things. Either way I find the
whole ordeal intriguing and in a way even this small act comforts me.
Ron said, “I will be right there. I do not want you driving home by
yourself.” There was no need to disagree
with him or try to persuade Ron not to come.
I knew Ron would be there.
My brothers and I stayed with mom for a few hours until the funeral
home came for her body. During that time we sat around mom's bedside discussing her wake and funeral.
Before we left mom, I put my head on mom’s chest
and wept. “I am so going to miss you
mom. I have spent so much time with you
caring for you and loving you that I cannot imagine my life without you. Mom, I am so happy we truly had a chance to
love each other. I am going to
especially miss our walks to the pond together. I will still go there looking for you. I hope you will meet me there. My
heart's breaking, mom, I miss you already.”
Back in November I reminded mom about how dad
passed on Christmas Eve. Due to mom’s
stage of dementia, she had forgotten the story of dad’s passing 24 years
ago. After I finished telling her his
story she said, “How beautiful! I want
my children surrounding me, too.”
And that’s exactly what mom received. Mom received the best gift ever that
night.
“Thank you, Jesus.”
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