Today was a mixture of emotions for mom and me. Believe
me we know how lucky we are that mom had a good four or five weeks of
clarity. But Mom seems somewhat confused
again.
We have learned to accept the difficult times before and we
will again.
Mom was seated in the lunchroom when I stopped by with a
surprise for lunch. She was glad to see
I was holding McDonalds’ bags. I wheeled
mom to our special lunchroom. Mom asked
me to seat her in the sun so I moved a table by the window so mom could feel
the sun on her and look out the window at all the pear trees that were in
bloom.
“I wish I could go outside”, mom said.
“Today is a beautiful day; I was planning on taking you for
a walk outside when we finished eating.”
“I’d . . . like that.”
Mom enjoyed the warmth of the sun on her, but appeared
anxious. “Julienne, another . . . bad
dream.”
“Do you remember your dream?”
“Put me in vase . . .
your girlfriend”
“Did you dream about dying?”
“No . . . your girlfriend . . . vase or container”
“Are we talking about dying?”
“Yes . . . make it easy.”
“Mom, you and dad have a place above ground. You both made
plans over 30 years ago.”
“I want . . . vase.”
“Have you been talking with your friends about this? Is that what they talk about?”
“No! I . . . don’t want be . . . in
box.”
I could see how this subject that mom brought up was
aggravating her so I just agreed, “Ok,
mom, whatever you want.” To be honest, I
was happy that she had stopped talking about dying for the past five weeks, but
we were back discussing the subject again.
“You had stuff . .
. coming out . . . your nose
. . . mouth,” mom commented.
“What are we talking about now?”
“My dream”
“You dreamt that I had stuff coming out my mouth and nose?”
“Yes . . . when I . . . woke up . . . saw you . . like that.”
“Where was I?”
“By my bed . . . I called
nurse. Help . . . help . . . my daughter’s sick! Help her.”
“Thank you for calling for someone to help me in your
dream. You can see that I am doing
fine. I would tell you if I was
sick. I am OK really, mom.”
“The nurse . . . said
. . . you’re having nightmare. Your
daughter’s . . . fine.”
I hugged mom, “I am sorry you had a bad nightmare, mom.”
“Scared me,” mom seemed frightened even then.
“Everyone has nightmares once in a while. No need to worry.”
When mom and I finished lunch, she wanted to go to her room
before we went outside. Mom asked me to
check her closet and drawers. “I brought
you two more nightgowns mom. I want to
make sure you never run out. Some of
your nightgowns are not looking so good.”
“They’re . . . pretty.
You don’t . . . need too.”
“Mom, I wanted to.”
While we were still in mom’s room, she started another
conversation, “Who . . . pays for . .
. heaven”?
I explained, “We do not have to pay anyone. We
just need to believe in Jesus.”
Dana* was walking by the room mom called, “Dana*”.
“Hi, there you guys are?”
Mom asked Dana*, “Can you help me?”
“Sure, what would you like me to do?”
“Help me . . . go!”
“What do you mean?”
“Mom is back saying that she is ready to go. She thinks that we can do something but we
are holding out on her to keep her here with us.”
“Gilda, we would go to jail if we did anything. You don’t want us to go to jail.”
Mom found her comment funny and laughed. We all laughed.
“Gilda, God must have a reason that you are still here.”
“What?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Mom, maybe God wants us to have more quality time together.”
Dana* stated, “Gilda, won’t you miss us?”
Mom shook her head, “Yes . . . . just time!”
I mentioned that mom asked to go for a walk outside so we
were just headed that way. Gail thought mom
could use the fresh air, “The weather outside is beautiful. You’ll enjoy it.”
Mom and I headed to the elevators to go outside. Dana*
headed off to help someone else.
As soon as mom and I passed through the main doors mom said,
“My God . . . how beautiful.”
Mom was right The Community’s*entrance and ground filled
with beautiful pear and crab trees all of which are in bloom right now. I was not sure how far mom would want to go,
I thought I would want to go, but I thought I would just keep walking until mom
gave me a sign she was ready to go back in.
Mom seemed to be enjoying and taking in everything. We walked along the path to a gazebo that
overlooks their beautiful pond. Mom kept
on commenting just how beautiful everything was. Mom smiled as she gazed at the pond, “I don’t deserve . . . . my
family.”
“Of course you do, mom.”
“Words can’t express,” mom said.
“What can’t your words express, mom?”
“How grateful . . . I am!”
“I’m grateful too mom for our time together.”
Mom looked over the pond, “I used to fish here.”
“I remember. You came here with your group from the
Supportive Living facility. You caught some fish, too.”
“Oh Yeah . . . . “
“I enjoyed . . . fishing . . . so much!”
“I will find out if they would ever take your group fishing,”
“Oh . . . I can’t anymore.”
“I will ask, mom, you never know.”
Mom and I took a lot of photos. She seems to delight in me taking photos
whether they are of her or flowers or the pond.
Each and every time she says, “Show me.”
Mom even wanted me to take photos of daffodils.
When mom and I went back in, we saw Dana* and mom said, “Show
her . . . photos.” While I was showing
Dana* the photos, I told Dana* that mom’s anxiety had gone during our walk
outside. She was happy to hear what a
difference the sunshine and fresh air had on mom. Dana* loved our photos especially the photos
with mom.
Then the activities’ director walked by and mom said “Show
her . . . the fishing pond.”
I turned my phone on and showed her several photos of mom
outside. When I showed her the pond and
fishing area by the gazebo, mom said, “I used
. . . . to fish . . . there.”
“Gilda, if I plan for a group to go fishing will you join
us?”
Mom perked up, “Yes, oh yes.”
“Usually we just ask the men here, but I will ask the other
women. There might be other women who want to go, too.”
“Count me in!”
“Mom, can you believe you might be going fishing again.”
“Julienne, today was
. . . one in a million.”
“Mom today was a wonderful day.”
“Let’s do it again.”
“Mom, every time I visit and the weather permits we will go
for a walk and enjoy the sunshine.”
“I’d like that.”
“Me, too”
I left knowing that the sunshine, the fresh air and the
flowers brought mom so much peace and joy while making her anxiety disappear. Oh what a beautiful day.
