A Heartfelt Wish

My next visit was Wednesday morning.  This would be my last visit until I returned from my Marco vacation which would be 10 days later. 

Ron and I head to Marco Island with Mom and Dad Lentz to visit and enjoy quality time with some of our very close friends which we affectionately call ‘Our Marco Family’.  Only once in 27 years have we not been able to go on this vacation due to complications from my brain surgery earlier that year.  Thankfully, I feel fully recovered; we are back on track with our yearly vacations.

Mom and Dad Mascitti used to vacation along with us.  Dad until he passed away 23 years ago.  Mom joined us until she could not appreciate the beauty and the friends any longer; at that time, she no longer wanted to attend.

Mom was in a great mood on Wednesday.  She had asked her nurse why she felt good on Monday and not Tuesday.  Mom said, “She told me you were here on Monday.”  I was glad to hear that mom feels better on the days she sees her family.  We may not always sense that while we are visiting her, but when we leave mom may remember the visit and feel comfort due to the attention and love she experienced on our visit.

My cell phone rang while I was with mom.  When I noticed the call was from Ron, I answered the phone and placed him on speaker phone so they could talk.  Mom immediately said, “Ron, I hope you and Julienne have beautiful vacation.”  He thanked her and expressed that he would come to see her with me when we were back from our vacation. 

Mom did not dwell on the fact that I was leaving which surprised me.  But before I left that day, I made a note which I placed on mom’s closet door at her eye level.  The note stated both the day of the week and the exact date I would see her next.   On the last line of the index card I wrote ‘Julienne loves you Mom’.

Across from her closet was the door to her washroom.  On the back of the door was a calendar, I put an X through all the days of the month of May up to that present date and told her if she or her nurse could cross off each day she would know exactly when to expect me.  She told me that she would try to remember.  She said, “You know, Julienne, they are too busy.”

Before I left I reminded her and her nurse that Sandy would be coming to take mom to her beauty shop the next two Fridays.  Mom nodded approvingly; she likes Sandy very much.   I know getting her hair done is the highlight to her week.

Mom has always put us on guilt trips in the past.  Leaving her that day, I felt comforted that she was in pleasant spirits and that she truly wanted Ron and I to enjoy our vacation.  

What a Treat!

The morning after Mother’s Day, I felt compelled to visit mom since she had such a tough time coming to our home yesterday.  I wanted to make sure taking her out did not create a setback.  While at our home, mom had been so anxious to go back to The Community.*

She was sitting around the nurses stations with a few other residents staring into space.  Very rarely do I ever find them talking to each other.   They line themselves up against the wall looking at the nurses go about their daily paperwork and preparing medicines.  I smile and say hello to everyone who picks up their head up to look at me. Occasionally one of them will smile or say hello back.  I wish everyone who visited there knew how important a few words and a smile meant to them. Even though some residents might not display any emotion, I believe they need to feel like they are not less than or transparent to the outside world.

Mom was delighted to see me; her whole face lit up.  I had not seen that yesterday.  “Julienne, I just saw you yesterday. “

 “I was in the neighborhood, mom, and I thought I would stop by and say hello.”  Just seeing me brightened her day. I was so glad I stopped by; I knew she was doing well.

“Julienne, I was dreaming  . . . last night.   You know  . . . what I was thinking?” 

“No, Mom, tell me.”

“I wish I had rest of my steak and corn . . . could not finish last night.  Ron made . . . corn . . . for me.”

 

“Mom, you ate good last night.  I am glad you enjoyed the food."

”

Since yesterday, she had time to think about her Mother’s Day outing.  She realized that the meal was selected and prepared with her in mind. She felt special and more importantly . . . loved.

After forty-five minutes, she asked me to walk with her to the lunch room.  When we went to hug and kiss goodbye another lady who rooms across the hall from my mom was walking by with her walker.  She stopped and looked directly into mom’s eyes. With eyes of loneliness she said, “You don’t know how lucky you are. You have someone who comes to visit you and gives you hugs.”  Mom responded quicker than normal, “Oh, I know!” Mom seemed proud as she smiled and nodded.

 As the lady continued towards the lunch room, my heartfelt a tug as I could not remember ever seeing that lady with any visitors when I have been present.  Should I have hugged the lady?  I did not.  What I did was hug mom again.  This time our hug was even tighter as mom said, “Julienne, I like to see you every day.  Today was a treat!” 

The Best Therapy

About 10 days have gone by without a blog because Ron and I traveled to our beautiful  “Home Away From Home”. We enjoyed a peaceful and wonderful vacation filled with many very close friends and family.

I have received several notes recently wondering how mom is and if I will continue to blog.  I just took a break while on vacation and will be resuming the blog very shortly.  I will start up right where I left off. 

Sometimes the best therapy a caregiver can do is to take a break from everything needy.  I wanted to come back strong and ready for whatever our future brings.

Stressed . . . Who Me?

Life has been full; not a lot of time to tell mom’s and my story.

 

The Sunday before Mother’s Day, Mom Lentz and I went to visit Mom Mascitti.  We had a nice visit, but Mom M kept saying she just did not feel herself.  She was very confused.  Some days are better than others; mom was not having a good day.  She was complaining again about her roommate who is always cleaning her shoes and playing with her shoelaces.  I found out from the nurses that her roommate has been cleaning her shoes every day for 8 months every day.

Mom seemed to be consumed with the time she should wake up and the perfect time she should go to bed as if there was a perfect time.  Mom’s roommate gets up every morning between 4:30am-5:00am.  Now mom feels she must wake up at the same time.  Nothing I say can change her mind.  Not only does she want to wake up at the same time, she wants to have the aide help her to use the wash room first and dress up first.   This issue seems to be so important to mom even though I do not see the importance.

Mom was mad at herself because she has been forgetting to flush the toilet which is upsetting to her roommate and to mom.  She shakes her head in frustrating as she says, “I do not know what is wrong with me!”  I hugged her. “Mom, you just started being allowed to go by yourself so you are not used to flushing.  The aide or nurse did that for you.  Just try each time to remember you must flush or ask an aide to take you to the restroom”.  She said, “I will try.” 

Having dementia makes your own situation tough enough without having to deal with your roommate’s dementia.  I can only imagine how frustrating and taxing this must be for both roommates.

As you can imagine, being in a nursing home is pretty boring (really there is nothing ‘pretty’ about it). The Community* has some activities, but most of the day residents are sitting in a chair staring into space, watching the nurses or people go by, or closing their eyes and falling asleep.  Their main excitement is having visitors.

While we were sitting with mom, I asked her how she would like to celebrate Mother’s Day.  She shrugged her shoulders.  I suggested coming over to Ron and my home where we could make some of her favorite food.  She liked that idea and said she hoped she felt good enough that day to come over.  She was concerned about her pills, but I assured her that I would make sure her nurse gave her the medication before I took her out.

I asked her what I might buy her for Mother’s Day. “I could use more nightgowns.  Look Julienne what they did to my new nightgown.  I think they shrunk it; see how short the nightgown is now.  You can throw that nightgown away. Make sure any nightgown you buy me has long sleeves. You know I get cold,” Mom said.  I went through mom’s closet where I found six other nightgowns, however, only two had long sleeves.  She had been wearing those two, but she did not want any part of the short sleeve ones.   I told her I would do my best to find long sleeve nightgowns even though we are in the month of  May and stores may have sent their warmer nightgowns back.

Over the next week, I shopped at seven different stores until I finally found long sleeve nightgowns.  Mom is short so I had to make sure that the gowns were a good length for her.  I found three nightgowns in her size at Steinmart and bought them all.

Ron stopped by on Monday to visit mom, she was glad to see him.  She mentioned that I had invited her for Mother’s Day dinner and that she was happy about coming over.

When I picked up mom to get her hair done on Thursday, I gave her the nightgowns.  She loved them.  They were soft, cuddly, and in some of her favorite colors magenta and a beautiful blue green.  Mom had remembered about coming to Mother’s Day and our home.  She expressed that she was really looking forward to celebrating Mother’s Day.

Mom had a visitor on Friday, Janice one of her niece’s from Michigan had called and asked me if she could visit mom on Friday when she came into town.  I said yes, but informed her that mom has good days and bad; hopefully her visit would end up being on a good day for mom.  Janice understood.   Mom spotted Janice walking down the hall to her.  Mom thought she was dreaming.  They both laughed and shared stories of days past.  Mom was glad to see her.

On Mother’s Day, Jamie and Tracy picked up mom.  When they all arrived, I opened my door and as I helped mom come in our home her first words to me was, “Julienne, I want to go back.  No one told me I was coming to your home for Mother’s Day.  Coming out today was not a good idea.”  My heart dropped.  We had talked to her for a week about our Mother’s Day celebration.  The dementia had made her forget.  Sometimes no matter how many times I remind her some thoughts do not stay with her.

I said, “Mom, we are all you are so glad you are here.  We are going to have a great Mother’s Day!”  Under my breath I was thinking ‘even if it kills me’. 

Once mom came in, she complained that she was not hungry.  Ron and I had worked hard to prepare all of my mom’s favorite food just the way she liked them.  We started out with an appetizer of grilled shrimp; then for dinner we made filet mignon and corn on the cob char grilled just the way she likes them.  She swore she was not going to eat any.  She wanted us to eat fast and take her home. 

So when the shrimp was ready I placed a small plate in front of her.  She immediately stated that she was not going to eat them.  I said, “Mom, you do not have to eat them.”  After she heard everyone else saying how delicious they were, she tasted them and said the shrimp was very good and finished everyone on her plate.

When dinner was served, I made her a plate of food which prompted her to moan and state that she was not hungry.  I again mentioned that she did not have to eat.  However, as we were all eating mom started to pick at her food.  She ate half of her filet and half of her corn. 

As soon as we cleared the dishes, mom begged to be taken back to her room at The Community*.  Afraid she was going to miss her 5pm pills; although the time was slightly after 4pm.

Ron and I drove her home.  We could sense her peace as she was brought back to what she considers her place.  She feels secure at The Community* maybe because she knows her nurse and aide are there to help her if something should happen.

When we walked her to her room, she requested us to stay for awhile.  She told us she enjoyed our company.  We did stay for awhile.  Before we left, she hugged and kissed us.  She thanked us both for making all her favorites.  We could tell she was feeling better. 

Ron and I were happy that we were able to spend Mother’s Day with both of our mom’s.  This was a rare occurrence as the last time we were able to do this was 31 years ago.

Last week I started developing eczema, the dermatologist tells me the rash comes from stress . . . who me impossible.  Never been stressed a day in my life!  Is it just me or do doctors always use the ‘stress’ diagnosis a little too much.  Is there anyone out there that has no stress?  I would like to meet them; maybe I could learn from them.    

A Work in Progress

Friday, May 4, 2012, I needed a day of rejuvenation.  The Compass Church which is Ron and my place of worship was hosting a one-day simulcast called Chick-fil-A Leadercast.  The simulcast hosted many great speakers such as Tim Tebow, Urban Meyer, John Maxwell, Andy Stanley, Soledad O’Brien, Angela Ahrendts, and so many more. 

The description read:  The choices you make define the leader you become.  Your choices can have a positive impact on your organization, your community, and beyond.   I took 'the beyond' to mean relationships. 

Most days when I leave spending time with mom at her nursing home, I am mentally and physically drained.    Many people have said that  caregivers need to take care of themselves, in order to help others.  Some mind and body therapy was needed to insure my overall good health.  

A special quote from Marcus Buckingham that seemed to resonate with me is “No one will ever say I am completely finished learning".  Two of my favorite passions have always been motivational seminars and self-help books; I always feel I can never attend or read enough of them.  

My personal quest has been for the true meaning of success and how to make a difference.  One of my favorite movies is “It’s a Wonderful Life”.     

What I learned this day was what Oprah would call an “Aha! Moment”, “The true measure of success is based on the lives we touch.”   I know that the life I am supposed to touch is my mother’s. 

To Perm or Not to Perm

Thursday, May 3, 2012, was ‘Perm day’.  Mom had been looking forward to getting a perm.  She had been telling me that the only day she looks good is the day she has her hair done.  Her hair seems to go flat within a day or two.  A few months ago when mom was feeling good, she used to curl her hair every day with a curling iron now she did not have the energy nor would they allow her to because her hands are not steady. 

Mom’s appearance was always important to her.  She has a beautiful complexion.  In her later years, she has become particular about her moisturizer; she always wants to use whatever I am using.  She is very deliberate with using her face products every morning and every night.  By looking at her skin most people would think her skin is that of a 70 year old woman; mom has very few wrinkles to show for her 84 years.  She has been blessed in that area of her life.

Mom wore very little makeup in her late 60s and after except for blush which she calls ‘rouge’ and lipstick.  She seemed to feel she needed a lot of rouge to make herself look healthy even though many times I tried to recommend that she use a lighter touch with her blush.  She would say to me, “Julienne, why wear the rouge if you cannot see color.”

Mom was always in search of the perfect shade of lipstick.  Her concern was that even the lipsticks that claimed to be long lasting would not stay on her lips for very long.  At least once a month, mom would return the lipstick she was using saying the lipstick did not live up to the claim.  Each time I cringed as she would tell the sales clerk how disappointed she was in their product.  Never did a sales person give her a hard time and she took pride in the fact that they always gave her money back.

 Mom was so obsessed with finding the perfect lipstick that she often asked people when she was at a function what color and brand they were using if she thought their lipstick was staying on their lips.  She would say, “Julienne, write that down.”  I always humored her and agreed to look for that lipstick knowing all well that mom would not be satisfied with their lipstick either.  For some reason once she used the new brand, she would say that there was something wrong with this particular tube because the product would not stay on her lips for a long time.  

When I think back to the past few years, I now realize those situations could have been the beginning stages of her dementia. The episodes used to frustrate me.  I used to say under my breath, “Why me, Dear Lord.”  As I thought she was here to torture me from some former bad thing I had done in a previous life.  Now I realize I was not seeing the whole picture. 

Today I found mom by the nurses’ station.  She was waiting for her medication.  She knew I was coming to pick her up and she was going to make sure she received her medication before she left with me. 

As I hugged mom, she said, “I hope I am having a perm today! My hair is poker straight.”  She smiled when I said, “Absolutely”.

On our way over to The Community*mom said, “My roommate keeps me up all night.  She is always going through all the drawers and washing her shoes constantly”.  I just listened.

While I was helping to fasten mom’s seatbelt, mom looked at me and said, “I hate myself today.”  Startled I asked, “Why would you say that mom?”  She spoke clearly, “I am not worth a ‘blank’.  I cannot do anything anymore.”  I could hear the sadness and frustration in her voice.  With mom’s condition, some days are more difficult for her than others.  I told her that maybe she is just over-tired today from not having enough sleep last night.  I let her know that I feel frustrated with myself when I have a hard time doing something that I should be able to do.  I assured her that she was worth something to me.

When mom and I walked out of the elevator on the second floor towards the beauty shop, I saw that The Community Supportive Living* had two activities happening.  They were having an exercise class in one room and a rosary service in another.  Mom did not pay much attention to them today.  I was glad because I thought those activities would be a reminder of the past.  Mom used to attend both of these activities.

Seeing Joanne* perks mom up.  Joanne* asked mom, “Did you get your chair in your room yet?”  Mom excitedly responded, “Oh yes, I have the chair right next to my bed.  Sometimes I set my alarm off because they want me to lie in bed in the morning, but I want to sit in my chair.  I love my chair; it is very comfortable!”

Joanne* continued to ask questions, “How’s the food?”  “Today, we had chicken.  I ate the wing and the drumstick.  I like to suck on chicken bones. The chicken was good, but way too much.  I left the white meat.  Another woman at my table had Italian sausage; she said she liked the sausage.”  Mom was in good spirits now.

Mom asked me for water.  I came back with a Styrofoam cup and straw with water filling up about a fourth of the cup.  Mom is continually dry; they limit her intake due to her congestive heart failure.  She is continually complaining that she is thirsty.  I always bring her water when she asks, but caution her to take small sips.

The smell in the room became sickening. I had forgotten how bad a perm smells; my eyes were burning.  Mom said the smell did not bother her. Just then another lady came in the shop.  Mom said, “Do you recognize me.”  She said, “Gilda, I recognize your voice.  You look different with rollers in your hair.”

 

The lady who was now having her hair done proceeded to say that the staff made her exercise today.  The activities director came to her room to make sure she joined in.  She said, “I hate exercise.  I hate the ‘blank” thing.  I hated exercise in high school and I hate exercise 60 years later.” 

While mom’s hair was processing, she fell asleep. Then as Joanne* took the perm rollers out of her hair, mom had ringlets everywhere.  Joanne suggested to mom that she not let anyone get her hair wet when they are giving her a shower or her hair will turn to ringlets.  Mom, of course, said, “Julienne, tell them when you take me back. Make sure they don’t wet my hair.  They will listen to you.”

When Joanne* was finished styling mom’s hair, mom looked beautiful.  Her hair was a lot fuller, but the style was similar to the way mom liked to wear her hair. Hopefully, mom’s hair will stay full and curly for several days’ in-between shampoos. Mom was very pleased.

 

When we walked back into The Community*, the wind blew mom’s hair messing up her new do. She asked me to comb her hair before walking her back to her room so I did. Mom said, “Julienne, I wish you could comb my hair every day.”  I assured her that her hair is going to look much nicer with her new perm and not to worry.

I brought mom back to her room.  While she sat in her comfortable chair, mom said, “Thank you, Julienne. How did this happen to me?  To think I was one of the healthiest people at my other place.  Pray for me.”   I smiled while saying, “Mom, pray for me.”  Immediately she closed her eyes and started reciting The Lord’s Prayer in entirety.  After she finished she said, “How did I do?”   I said, “Great!  Did you just pray for me, mom?” She sighed and said, “I prayed for both of us, Julienne”.  We both smiled and as I gave her a big hug mom said, “Ohhhhhhhh, Julienne, I love you. Thank you, thank you! I am going to take a nap when you leave; I am exhausted.”   I said, “You did great!  I am so proud of you, mom.”

So Much! Much! Much!

Monday, April 30^th, as I walked into The Community* the double doors to mom’s wing were closed.  The Community* closes these doors indicating that they are quarantining this wing due to a potential or immediate health risk.  By taking this precaution they hope to prevent an illness from spreading and creating an epidemic.  When I pushed open these doors, I headed down the hall. I first stopped by the nurses’ station to see what the issue was and how many residents were sick.  A nurse informed me there was only one person who had loose bowels.  The medical staff was just being cautious.  I was glad to hear that they take such precautions.

 Searching for mom, I looked in the TV room, nurses’ station, and dining room.  Since I did not see her at any of the normal places, I headed for her room.  To my surprise, there was a sign outside mom’s room.  The paper sign was a red stop sign that read ‘Stop See Nurse’!

I immediately marched back to see Anna*, mom’s nurse.   She informed me that mom’s roommate had loose bowels; they had taken her blood and did some other tests and they were waiting for the results.  Until the results come back, the staff was watching her closely.  Due to mom being her roommate, they must confine them both together.  Anna* said that mom was doing well, but she was confined to her room for the past two days.  She said I could go and visit her. 

As I walked in mom’s room, she was sitting in her comfortable lift chair.  She was just looking at the TV, but she had not turned the TV on. I hugged and kissed mom. She was happy to see me.  I moved mom’s four-wheel walker so that I could sit facing her.

She was troubled to tell me that when she woke up this morning she was not sure where she was.  She told me that she did not like that feeling. Mom could not understand why she was so confused.   I tried to reassure her that she might have been having a dream and became confused when she woke up.

She understood why she couldn’t leave her room to join in any of the other activities, but she was bored.   She also told me that her roommate was not feeling good and not talking. 

I asked her if she had spoken with Anita, her cousin.   (Anita had called me the day before and asked me if she could call my mom.  I told her all you can do is try.)  Anita has always been one of mom’s favorite people.  Mom said, “Yes, Julienne, but I told her not to call me again.”  I was startled, “Mom, why would you say that?   You love, Anita.”  Mom answered, “Yes, Julienne, I love Anita.  But you do not understand.  She asks me questions.  I do not know what to tell her. She talked about Guilio; I do not want to hear about his illness and death.”  (Guilio was Anita’s brother, mom loved him very  much, too.  When he passed away just recently, she was very sad that she could not honor her relationship with him by attending his funeral.) 

 I said, “Mom, Anita called me yesterday and asked me if she could call you.  She misses you and cares about you.”  Mom said, “I do not want people to call me while I am in here.”  “If that is want you want mom, I will try and understand”, I said hesitantly.   I knew I was not going to reason with her so I just have to learn to accept her wishes.

Then I turned her TV on and asked mom what she would like to watch.  She did not care so I put on Days of Our Lives as I know that mom only a short time ago enjoyed watching soap operas. She especially liked All My Children, but the show recently went off the air.  I am even embarrassed to admit that occasionally when I am having lunch, I will sit and watch Days of Our Lives.   Now I hoped she might become interested in Days of Our Lives and start following the show on a regular basis to give her something else to look forward to do.  If she did, this would give us something else to talk about and take her mind off her present situation.

I told mom that I had a few small presents for her.  I brought her an eye glass chain so she could keep her eye glasses around her neck.  She said, “Oh, I like the chain, but I think someone stole my eye glasses.”  I said, “Mom, I placed your glasses in this top drawer near your bed. Let’s check and see if they are still here.”  As I leaned over her, I removed them from her drawer and handed them to her. “Here they are, mom. “  She grabbed her glasses; put the hooks from the chain on the stems of her glasses; and then she hung them around her neck.

I said, “Mom, the last time I was here, you had asked me for an emery board so I brought one for you.”  She immediately raised her hands to show me her nails and said, “Anna* had a nail file. She filed my nails for me this morning.”  I smiled and told her that her nails looked perfect.

I also brought her The Living Bible which was always in her drawer near her lift chair when she was back in her own place.  I suggested that she should leave The Bible on her table.  When she feels like reading   or if she ever feels discouraged to open The Bible to any page and read.  I know that reading has never been something mom has enjoyed so I said, “Mom, try even reading one sentence and think about what that sentence and what they are trying to say.” She shook her as though she liked that idea.  I thought maybe, just maybe, she might try someday.

Mom told me again that she was bored.  I asked her if she had tried to do some of her word puzzle books.  She could not remember where her puzzle books were.  I reminded her of the drawer where I place all the things that she might want including the puzzle books.   I suggested when she needs or wants something to look in there first.   

So I grabbed the biggest one of the three books, as I thought that might be the largest print and easier for her to hold.  I opened the book up to a page.  Mom said,” Let me see if I can remember how to find the words.”  I sat there and watched her.  She said the words were too difficult.  I looked at the words.  I agreed that this book seemed too advanced having huge double words.  I looked through another one of her other books that had smaller words and asked her if she wanted to try that one.  She said, “OK, I will try.”  She found two words pretty quickly and then said she could not find any more.  I didn’t push her.  I suggested putting the word puzzle book on her table in case later she felt like trying again. 

Initially I thought mom only having half a room to call her own would be difficult for her to accept after having her own spacious place.  Now I realize that in mom’s world even half a room seems big and some of her things seem so far away from her.  My goal today was to try and make her world within her reach.

Mom was disoriented today; I think the whole confinement issue played a number on her brain.  She told me before I left that she was going to go to the washroom.  I said, “Let me get your nurse, I will  be right back.”  Mom said that she could go by herself.  I have helped mom several times to go when she has her portable oxygen tank attached to her walker; and she does well by herself.  However, she was hooked up to a major stationary oxygen tank since she was sitting on her lift chair.  I did not know how to change her tubing to the portable one so I said, “Please wait mom; I am confused how to unhook your tube and how to hook up the portable unit. Let me get your aide or your nurse.”  Fortunately for the both of us, another aide saw us and came in to assist mom.

 

When I went to leave her today, I hugged and kissed her and told her once again that I loved her with my whole heart.  She said, “Julienne, I love you so much, much, much.”  She looked very sad.  I said, “Mom do not be sad; I will be back.”   I smiled; she gave me half a smile; and we both blew kisses.

Vegas Does It

On Friday, April 27^th, I knew that today would be a good day.  Mom always feels better after she gets her hair done.

As I approached mom, she was talking to some other residents near the nurses’ station.  She smiled when she saw me.  From the corner of my eye, I saw mom’s aide pushing another resident’s wheelchair to help the resident maneuver trying to go around us; I smiled; moved to let them pass; and said hello.  Mom said, “Julienne, say hello to Anna*. She is my aide; she takes good care of me.”  Obviously, mom did not hear me already address Anna*.  So I said hello again to her.  Anna* smiled; she understood as she had overheard mom telling me to say hello and she knew doing what mom had asked me to do was easier than explaining.  Anna* always has a genuine smile on her face; and seems to really care about mom.

Mom said, “Julienne, have you met my new nurse yet.”  I shook my head no and said, “Mom, she was at lunch the last time I was here with you.  I would like to meet her now.”  Just then, a blonde-haired nurse with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye said, “I am Sonya*, Gilda’s nurse.”  I could not have been more pleased.  She made me feel that mom was in good hands.

 When I asked mom how she was doing, she said, “I wish I had a little more ‘oomph’.  I am still not feeling myself.”  I asked Sonya* if she increased mom’s oxygen would the oxygen give her more energy. (I know that in Vegas the casinos pump oxygen throughout to keep people’s energy level high. If the theory works for them; the theory might work in this case, too.)

Sonya* told me that she would test mom’s oxygen level.  She put what seemed to be a clothespin attached to a heart monitor on her finger to test her.  Mom’s oxygen level was a little low. Then Sonya* asked mom to take a few deep breaths in this time.  When mom did, her oxygen level went up.  Sonya* said, “Gilda, try and remember to take some deep breaths.  You will feel better.”  Mom said, “Deep breaths are hard to do, but I will try.”  Sonya* mentioned that when mom is walking she needs more oxygen so she would move her level higher.  Her aide saw that mom’s tank was running low so she went to get her another tank to make sure mom would not run out while she was having her hair done.  Once Anna* returned with mom’s new tank, mom and I headed towards the beauty shop.

As we started to walk towards the car, mom started telling me a story.  Today mom’s memory was not very good.  She started telling me the same story over eight times.  Each time she asked me if I could remember where she left off so I would repeat everything she said up to that point.  Most of the time she would add a little bit more that she remembered, but finally gave up as she was too frustrated at herself for not being able to recall her story in full.  I assured her that I forget a lot, too. And I know how frustrating that feels.

Helping mom to sit in the car is not an easy ordeal; we have an SUV which I adjust to sport control which lowers the body of the car.  However, since mom’s broken hip five years ago, she has a difficult time trying to raise her leg high enough to comfortably finagle her way to sit in our car.  Once mom is seated, keeping her oxygen on and making sure her oxygen tank stays upright next to her legs while I am driving is another goal.  I have to remind myself that mom’s looking good helps her feel better. Taking her to her special beautician makes the little struggle worth going through for the both of us.

Joanne*, her beautician, was ready and waiting for us.  Mom and I were on time.  Joanne* asked mom how she liked her hair.  Mom said, “My hair looks good for only one day . . .  the day my hair gets done.  The rest of the days my hair is stuck to my head.  Do you think I need a perm? Some of the other ladies where I live said I do.”  Joanne* suggested that maybe on her next visit when she allows more time she can give mom a body wave.  She thought that might help mom’s hair situation.  Mom agreed to try the body wave next time.

Mom also mentioned that her hair falls in her eyes so she keeps putting a clip on her hair to pull it away from her face.  I suggested that Joanne could give mom some side bangs like me.  Mom loved that idea.

When mom’s hair was done, I told her she looked beautiful.  I knew she liked her hair so I asked her if I could take her picture.  She said, “Ok, but take Joanne*’s picture, too.  (I have not asked Joanne* if I could put her picture on my blog yet so the photos I inserted are just mom.)

While we were in the beauty shop, mom’s was telling me that she has been waking up at 5am each morning  because her roommate likes to wake up early.  Mom told Sonya* that the day is too long for her.  Sonya* suggested sleeping in until 6am.  Mom wanted to know if I thought that was a good idea.  I assured her that sleeping later was a great idea.  

When mom and I walked back into The Community*, everyone we saw told mom how nice she looked.  A few of them even noticed her new bangs, mom was feeling great.  Beauty shop day is a feel good day; I think most  women would understand.

As we passed the dining room, mom and I heard a woman playing the piano and singing old classics.  I asked mom if she wanted to go in and listen.  She did, but she said, “Just don’t make me sit in the first row.”  I told her that we could go in the back.  I showed her where we would go. As we both walked in, the activities director greeted mom and told her she was glad she was joining them.  Mom smiled.  After she was seated and comfortable I told mom I needed to go.  Mom said, “Julienne, thank you, thank you. I love you.”  She hugged me tight and I felt her love.  I know today she appreciated beauty shop day, Joanne, and me.